My three children, ages 19 - 24, are mostly grown & flown now. It does seem like there is always one staying here, between an internship and a job, between undergrad and grad school or just summer breaks, one way or another, I've yet to live alone. It is a precious and rare occasion to have them ALL here at the same time. My anticipatory joy overflows when I know it will happen. We know our family lore best and love to retell the same old stories and jokes. We play games, watch movies, eat big meals and make coffee runs. What's even better is they all bring their significant other and the table gets bigger and the fun is tripled.The only person that loves it more than me is the family dog, Schnitzel.
We talk politics, current events, sports and what is going on in everyones lives. They are all at an age where things change rapidly and their life allows time to travel. They have not been worn down by the daily grind and their enthusiasm for life and the future is luxurious and I genuinely enjoy hearing them talk and plan. I especially love for them to spend time with each other.
But, my dirty little secret is that what I enjoy most is when they all go to bed. I stay up late so I can revel in the quiet of the house while they sleep. I wake up early and drink my coffee, suffused with such serene happiness that they are all asleep in their own bed.
There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Why is this? Shouldn't I want them to be awake the whole time, making memories and sharing their lives, if only briefly, with me? I think it is something like a deep seated muscle memory.
When the children were very small and the days were very long, that moment at the end of the day when the last one fell asleep was like a triumph akin to reaching the summit of an extremely high mountain. I had my body and my mind back to myself for the precious few moments before I succumbed to sleep. This victory was won every day for years at a time. Later, when they learned to drive and spent weekend nights out with friends or at a job, I would worry until the last one was home in bed.
From birth to college, victory was mine when everyone was safely tucked in.
So, even though they don't need me to care for them and they aren't out on the streets, the most glorious moments of having them home are when we all say goodnight and head up the stairs. The deepest pathways of my maternal brain find comfort with a house full of sleeping offspring.
