Female friendship has been the cornerstone of my life, a tapestry of intricate emotional bonds, woven together with threads of empathy, trust and mutual understanding. The shared experience of being a girl and becoming a woman creates a powerful and rewarding connection. These connections are fortified with high emotional intelligence, delicate vulnerability and searing honesty. These relationships, no matter how long they last, are more than just social connections, they are a source of strength, empowerment and inspiration.
In my experience, there are three types of female friendships, each equally important to the female psyche in their own way.
The Girl Gang It's the girls-girls that make the world go around. These are the women that hold your hand for just a moment but , Oh My God, they are important moments. It's the L&D nurse who locks eyes with you and lets you know that you are indeed a superhero and can do the herculean task before you. It's the lady in the check-out line who offers help with a screaming toddler and reminds you that you are a good mama. It's the divorce mediator that whispers that you earned every penny. It's the woman at church who gets you the job interview. It's the oncologist that holds your hand and delivers the devastating news about your mom with love and tears in her eyes. Sometimes it is as simple as locking knowing eyes with a woman to know that she gets it. This sense of solidarity makes me feel seen, heard and understood. It's not just an acquaintance because you know, she knows, that you are sharing a moment in the sisterhood.
'Tis the Season Maybe she was your best friend in middle school or sophomore year of college. Maybe you met her in La Leche League and nursed your babies together. Maybe she was your neighbor at your first house after the divorce. It could be she traveled Europe with you that summer after college. Perhaps she was your work bestie at Sears. Whoever she is, she was there for you during a certain phase of your life and she was absolutely crucial to your survival at that time. Your life circumstances perfectly aligned and you found someone to travel through life together, perfectly in sync, if only for a while. When life changed, you drifted apart. There are no hard feelings, no regrets, only fond memories and an enduring love for the one you traveled along that part of the journey with. For me, this is the only reason Facebook exists, to keep an eye on the ones who walked the walk with you at one time. What would life have been without the ones who had your back each season of your life?
"No friendship is an accident." - O. Henry
Twenty years to Life Here she is, the sister you wished you'd had. She's been through thick and thin with you - literally how many diets has she encouraged you through? She knows the good, the bad and the ugly. She knew you when you were single and ready to mingle and when you were a leaking and exhausted new mama. She was indignant for you when you got fired from your first job, she despises your ex as much as you do and she loves your kids like they are her own. She helped you figure out what to do when your 17-year-old came home in big trouble. You went with her to her daughter's first day of cancer treatment. She single-handedly managed your divorce. You threw each other's showers, decorated each others houses and stayed up all night through the roughest hours of each other's lives. She knew your parents when they were young and her parting words to your dying mother were, "Don't worry, I will take care of her". These are the long haul friendships, characterized by decades of devotion. It's about the women who knew you when and love you anyway. These are the ones you can miss talking to for a month and pick up the phone like you just hung up. They know all your faults and still think they are lucky to have you.
These lifelong relationships are the foundations for all the other types of friendships. Their love and unconditional support instruct you how to care for the seasonal and situational friends. In that way, the enduring power of the feminine human connection creates a profound source of strength for every woman, every day.
I read that the average bond between women last 16 years, which is longer than the average romantic relationship. These durable relationships are a testament to the pivotal role women play in each other's lives. As I sat with my mother through hospice, I reflected that she was being cared for by compassionate female nurse aids and hospice workers just like the women who cared for her when she was a baby. It is usually women who usher you into this world and women who hold your hand as you leave. I posit that from birth to grave, it is the feminine power of empathy, intuition and love that sustain us all.