⚠️TW: Mentions of Chronic Pain and Self harm
When you look at this photo do you see someone in pain?
For years now, chronic pain caused by pregnancy and birth has kept me from moving about the world in the ways that my body once craved.
Sometimes this chronic pain keeps me from being able to focus because the sensations are so distracting. It has required a lot of self-education, practicing self care, and honest conversations with my loved ones about what I’m able and unable to do (boundaries and limitations) in the body I’m in right now.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The pain has also become my teacher…
I often find myself asking:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🔺 What is this feeling trying to tell me?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🔺 How does this feeling make me feel about myself?⠀⠀⠀⠀
🔺 What can I do to comfort myself so that I am not suffering?
As I continue to cultivate a daily practice of self-love and overall wellness, I’m able to see more clearly all the moments in my past that I did not prioritize my well-being. Instead, I would purposely cause myself harm and suffering by drinking until I blacked out, binge eating, biting or picking at my nails until they bled (I still struggle with this), or cutting when I was younger. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
As a young person who didn’t yet have tools for how to manage the emotional pain and self loathing I lived with in a healthy way,
I chose to self-destruct instead.
I forgive myself for that now.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
As inconvenient and debilitating as this pain can feel, I have chosen not to give up. Even amid the depression this pain brings on, I keep working at feeling better every day. I put my best into the things that bring me joy, and I continue to be gentle with my body to help it feel better in addition to working with some great practitioners who help me find relief. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My current regimen is daily yoga and meditation, epsom salt soaks, massage, swimming, dancing, acupuncture and lots of rest when I can.
If you are anything like me and beat yourself up for not feeling good, I hope you see this and remember that you do not need to suffer and you’re not alone!⠀⠀
We all deserve to feel good in the body we’re in! ❤️🩹
Sending love,
Dane
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