My all or nothing attitude has been getting in the way of me writing here recently. I over the holidays, my mom texted me and uninvited me to Christmas because of what ive been writing on my blog and Facebook. Itās made me feel unsafe knowing that ive willingly put out this information that my family would rather keep a secret. Is it selfish of me to āblast my problems online?ā Iām not doing it out of malice. Im just tired. I want to release all this darkness inside of me. I reel like just clinging to small threads at this point when it comes to my family. Should I break away for good? I donāt want to stop talking to my brother though. Iām worried heāll feel like Iāve abandoned him. He doesnāt deserve to be in the middle of all of it. I try to keep him out of the drama between my parents and I but sometimes my curiosity about what my parents have been saying about me, get the best of me and I end up asking Flynn to tell me what theyāve been saying. Itās awful. I feel so guilty. Iāve been avoiding talking to him because I donāt know what to say. Iām sad. I miss him more than anything. itās easier sometimes to pretend he doesnāt exist because acknowledging his existence means opening up the door to missing someone painfully and Iām worried that I wonāt be able to handle the pain. Just writing about it is making me feel queasy.