ITS FINISHED BUT ITS SO LONG AND MESSY I DONT KNOW IF ITS FULLY DONE OR NOT SO IM SUPER FREAKING NERVOUS ABOUT IT
THINGS I DID EPICLY WRONGLY:
I took too many takes
the beginning goes too quick
I cemented the video style wayyyy too late in production
I DID NOT EDIT IN A STRAIGT LINE *
my audio quality was largely questionable
my research was BORKED **
An expansion on those ideas:
usually when I make a video it follows a simple pattern,
get an idea -> write a script -> research -> rewrite script entirely -> record in one take -> edit audio fully -> edit all visuals -> add music and watch through to make sure its up to snuff -> record the video's ending editor section
I DID IT ALL OUT OF ORDER, SOME OF MY RESEARCH HAPPEND DURING VISUAL EDITING BY GOD NO!
generally, I should just not mess up like that in the future and not rush to the editing point as quick as i did.
for editing in a straight line, i do one step until it is fully done, then move on, for this i edited audio and video at the same time, leading to moments of "ill do that later", i did not track how many times i decided to do something later and even as I'm writing this i do not fully know if the video is finished. knowing however how badly i messed up the work order means that I'm too nervous to ever watch the video fully to see what went wrong and instead I'm launching it and hoping to god i can leave whatever mistakes i made behind me and move onto the next thing instead.
A POSITIVE THING!:
i found a good use for my model and an editing style i like and enjoy, every video I've made thus far was kinda a mess for that reason and relied heavily on pngs i found for visuals. no longer, I now have solid footing and don't have to be nervous about what my style as a youtuber is. as a youtuber i have a few anxieties that I've always had, do i have anything interesting to say on this topic? am i a fraud? am i unique enough? and while most of that i cant get over (i still worry that most of my shrapnel video is trash nothingburger patty, to me i don't say anything interesting or new or, good to be honest, but i know i once thought i did) i now CAN get over not having a personal like, feel to my videos, of having something that is mine in a way, more constant.
if nothing else im happy i can walk away with that for the next one