Free roses for Valentines, mine was yellow
It made me think of you
It made me think of me, who i once was
I used to light up a room
And after all the hurt, I lost my bloom
Everyday I wake up and pray for a little sunshine, to help color me yellow
But for so long, I've been gray
I wish the clouds would break, but instead it's my heart, again
I want to move on
But Spirit keeps telling me:
I need more time, to be broken, to grieve all that I've suffered, all that I've lost
"Remember who you are, Child of Light."
In my dreams my grandma still speaks to me, Jacob still waits for me, Jordyn still loves me, and you are not angry
And we have loving kindness to each other
But that's only in my dreams
I do my best to forgive you, I don't want to be angry anymore,
But you keep being mean to me, and i feel black and blue
No more yellow days.
I want to quit, I nearly threw it all away
But that feels like abandoning myself, and I have to remember, no one is coming to save me
So I keep going, another day, another prayer, "Tomorrow will be better"
I'm still waiting for "tomorrow"
I dare not think it's at the door, I fear that when I open it, another heart break awaits
So I give thanks, for the gray and the rain
And hope that my gratitude keeps me safe, a little piece of yellow, I've stashed away.