I help adults who grew up in high-control environments understand why intimacy and relationships still feel hard — and how to build something that actually works.

I’m a trauma-informed Sex and Relationship Coach specializing in work with people who were raised in shame-ridden, high-control systems and ended up with deeply distorted ideas about sex, love, and connection. Together, we pull apart those old beliefs and build new narratives that help you feel safer, more grounded, and more whole.

I care so deeply about this work because it took me decades to understand what was “wrong” with me.

The truth was unsettling and relieving all at once: there was nothing wrong with me. I was raised by someone who trained me to believe that my thoughts, feelings, and instincts were untrustworthy—and that only his version of reality was real. That kind of conditioning teaches you to doubt everything about yourself, and it can make you feel genuinely unhinged.

That’s what I mean by high control. We didn’t get to develop a sense of self because we were taught from birth to think, feel, and behave exactly as we were told. Any deviation came with consequences.

I write about all of this and more at Substack.

Thanks for being here, and thanks for your support. 💖☕💖

Monthly support

Thank you for your support! Please join me on Substack at @xoleahcarey

Support me on a monthly basis

Monthly support

Thank you for your support! Please join me on Substack at @xoleahcarey

Support me on a monthly basis