Intro:
I'm listening to an audiobook called "The Body Is Not an Apology" by Sonya Renee Taylor, and it just so happened to become relevant to a conflict in my life.
"The Body Is Not an Apology" is an inspiring book that challenges societal norms and promotes radical self-love. It encourages readers to reflect on the ways they might have experienced body shame and offers guidance on how to embrace their bodies unapologetically. Taylor advocates for compassion towards oneself and others to build a more inclusive and accepting world for every body.
Needless to say, I’ve been taking a lot of notes. I write in my journal about whatever is going on in my life, without much planning. So, here I am writing about something that came up recently in my life and just going with the flow. I write this in hopes that I can give you an example of journaling to process your thoughts and reflect on your feelings through life’s conflicts.
Part 1: free writing
This week, someone brought up their concern about my pessimism- specifically questioning why I haven’t expressed enough joy for the blessings of motherhood.
I want to clarify that I am a nihilist not a pessimist. Some people regardless might not want to deal with that philosophy. Also, I do have a mood disorder. (More on mood disorders and pregnancy in a later post)
If everyone else in your life is rooting for you, one person's intrusive comment shouldn't ruin your progress. You still have people on your side.
I'm proud of gaining about 30 supporters during what I call my "milf era." This is the time of transitioning into being a first-time mother. I'm taking better care of myself to be a more authentic artist and a better mother for my child. These are the people who support my journey, and I hope they find inspiration for self-improvement too. I wish to build a community where we can all support each other.
Part 2: Reflection on how "The Body Is Not an Apology" has helped me process this experience
Sonya Renee Taylor teaches that a lot of us have at one point believed someone else "chose" to be different. They choose to dress that way, feel that way, be that gender, be that fat, so they could just as easily choose not to be. They could easily choose to be the way I believe they should be.
The book explains that understanding isn't a requirement for showing respect for someone’s feelings. You do not need to comprehend someone’s feelings to respect their journey. (Contemplate this for the journal prompt at the end)
We must refrain from assuming that those who don't share our experiences are wrong. Instead, we should seek out different perspectives. It's essential to create a supportive and compassionate environment where everyone's experiences are valued and respected. By learning these lessons from Sonya Renee Taylor, we can foster an empathetic community of parents who are supporting each other through our healing journey.
Part 3: Approaching conflict with love
This last section is where I learned the most from this chapter of the book. I am naturally a nurturing, motherly, and warm person. I am well spoken in conflict, but I quickly lose that compassion for others when I am feeling criticized.
Through the journey of self love and healing, we learn the importance of extending that love to the world around us. In the midst of disagreements, we can practice curiosity instead of engaging in debates solely to change someone's mind. Conversation based on sharing perspectives and letting go of “right or wrong” allows us become more empathetic.
It is also essential to consider the intent behind our words and recognizing their potential impact on others. There are times when there is a need to provide constructive criticism to our friends for their personal growth. However, be mindful that good intentions don't necessarily negate the way our words might come across to them.
Ultimately, the goal of any conversation should be unapologetic love. When we approach conflicts with love and compassion, we create a world that celebrates and embraces everybody.
Journal prompts:
As we navigate conflicts, let’s ask ourselves difficult questions to uncover our fears and motivations:
Why do I need people to be the way I believe they should be?
What are you willing to stop struggling to understand for the sake of peace?
My responses:
I personally discuss this with my therapist. I find myself trying to help others in a way where I only open their mind to my own ideas. Of course I am well meaning, but even through my milf era I feel I am expressing myself as having a “superiority complex” where I am pushing my beliefs and ways of life on other people. This feeling could be an insecurity, but maybe I am just like the conservatives who enact laws to create a country solely based on their ideals. Am I not open minded enough to just let people be?
I need to stop struggling to understand why people do not want to go to therapy or begin a self care practice. Some people are content living life their way no matter if I feel I could assist them to become happier or more fulfilled.