I had a small record player when I was 14. Portable. It was a Christmas gift from my parents. I used to spend hours playing my growing collection of vinyl. One such song - The Logical Song - Supertramp (Breakfast In America) was a favorite. I can remember lying on my carpeted floor, door closed, listening to the melody, feeling into the lyrics, which often left me sad and reflective at the same time.
When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical
And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily
Oh joyfully, oh playfully watching me
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible
Logical, oh responsible, practical
And then they showed me a world where I could be so dependable
Oh clinical, oh intellectual, cynical
There are times when all the world's asleep
The questions run too deep
For such a simple man
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
Please tell me who I am
I would reflect. Ponder. Is this what school was doing to me? Making me sensible? Practical? Telling me who I am? Was the magic of my youngest years fading? Was I becoming - one of THEM?
I could feel a sadness around my heart.
Is this what my future looked like? Cynical? Boring? Practical? An experience without color and sparkle? Would I really become just another human out in the world, functioning on autopilot, doing what I was told.... just because?
NO. I would not. The voice, albeit small, was insistent. Knowing.
I always felt different but perhaps one of the reasons I felt different is because I was here to put an end to that experience of conformity and cynicism. Certainly I was here to defy being put into one of those uncomfortable holes. Round dancing pegs don't exactly fit into those boring stagnant square holes. Was I going to be one of those people who said, "NOT ME" and actually stand by those words? Who lived the words? Did I have the courage? That felt kind of scary to my still young mind. Lonely.
I had already begun questioning reality. Questioning teachers and parents and pastor's other persons of authority - at least what they told me (I was still working up the courage to take my words to the person). This certainly picked up during my high school years where I became best friends with the energy of defiance, the experience continuing off and on, throughout my adult life, continuing up to where I am and Who I am today.
Youthful rebellion - thankfully - never left me.
I usually felt alone with that rebellious side. As friends chose to study and settle down, I was always looking for something to rebel against. A good time. FUN. In time though, life presents you with a choice: settle down or live on the streets. I chose the settle down part. Got a degree. Married. Job. Tried to convince myself I was happy.
But I wasn't.
The inner rebel - the inner CHILD - refused to be quiet.
So as I hopped around from job to job (too many to count) and husband to husband (just 2 of those), I continued to question reality and in time, began speaking my thoughts, sharing my visions, writing them down and throwing them online. Ah the internet - created by the military to allegedly collect data on us all - but on the flip side, gave those like myself a voice and a means to connect. And connect - over time - we did. And have.
Which brings me to the end of this little piece here. For much of my experience I thought I was alone in my quest to change the world. Truly change the world. What I've come to recognize, especially the past 7 years, is that I didn't come here alone. I am part of a team of fellow childlike Souls, amazing warriors in all shapes, sizes and beliefs, scattered throughout this place, who refused to "grow up" and be like everyone else. Who refused to let any outward choices of conformity dull their Light or passion.
We are here to change the world.
We know it.
And that is what we are doing.
Love,
Victoria