My daughter said that to me today as we spoke about her own toddler/younger years, accusing me of at times being a "helicopter parent". I paused, putting my fork down, asking her to expand further on her assertation.
"You didn't let me watch Barbie Dreamhouse Adventures when I was 3 and you didn't let me watch Toy Story 4 until I was 12 and you had those baby bumper pads everywhere," she offered up as examples.
I reminded her I didn't let her watch the Barbie Dreamhouse program when she was so young because there was a female character who bullied the other girls and thought she was beyond reproach for accountability. As far as Toy Story, other parents I knew and saw online were saying it was far too scary for younger kids (I later learned otherwise and aside from 1 scene, found it to be a delightful movie that the two of us enjoyed). The baby bumpers? "Self-explanatory," I said, putting a fork full of mac and cheese in my mouth (another common food reintroduced to the diet when one becomes a parent).
I told her parents - especially first timers - tend to over-compensate. Being held totally responsible for another human to keep it fed, cleaned, guided and alive can make one a little bit over-protective. Our world view suddenly changes - literally overnight. That coffee table corner becomes a potential hazard for a wobbly toddler. The myriad of plants at ground level becomes a toxic jungle that beckons curious little hands to touch and sample.
All of this is something only a parent of a child can understand. I remember at the time friends and others who only had the pet cat or dog would tell me they understood my challenges of being a parent. As someone who had had dogs since my early 20's, I politely asserted otherwise. Dogs and cats? A breeze. They potty train inside of a week. You don't have to cut up their food into tiny pieces and observe them to make sure they don't choke. You don't need to get up with them throughout the night and aside from the occasional bath, they don't require constant cleaning. They don't scream "NOOOOO!" at you. And the big one - you can leave them home alone - for 3-5 hours at a time and know they will survive. Even in a kennel. And no one will accuse you of neglect when you do.
"Not the same", I would say with a smile.
So, as I attempted to justify my position on my choices and redeem myself somewhat, she had one last gem to share. "Don't worry mom," she said, "babies are designed to survive new parents."
I paused. Reflected. Laughed. Touched her cheek and told her how wise of a human she is and how happy I am she is my child.
Then I smiled and reflected some more before heading over here and sharing this little mealtime exchange. She was right. Just like being a parent - especially a first-time parent - is full of ongoing challenges, it isn't easy for a baby either. Little babies, helpless but also quite capable of understanding and doing more than we parents realize, as they grow older sometimes become quite frustrated with the well-meaning child. As I used to say quite often when I was little, according to my mom, "I do it MYSELF!" (and meant it). But we're both equipped to survive the experience. We come with instincts to help us navigate those waters. We have patience to rely on when frustration levels rise. We use our ability to communicate our needs and to listen, especially during conflicting moments ("Mama please jess one tookie befowe dinner i pwomise i will eat my food" to "mooooooooooom it's only $150 and EVERYONE is wearing them!"). And we come equipped with Love to help us both enjoy and endure the experience.
Love,
Victoria