A birthday visit, a little girl and a moment of connection. ❤️
Today I travelled back to Omagh to visit my mum’s grave on what would have been her birthday.
It was lovely to see her name finally inscribed on the headstone, with the stones back in place. The sun was shining, I’d brought flowers, and I also found a photo of her beloved Louie as a puppy. I placed it beside her grave, with a little note.
I sat for a while, taking everything in. But I’d also brought something else with me today: my inner-child oracle cards.
As part of the work I’ve been doing in therapy, I’ve recently started exploring my connection with my younger self. It’s very new to me, and if I’m honest, quite strange at times.
Today’s card invited me to think about my earliest childhood memory.
I closed my eyes and found myself thinking about starting Primary 1. Looking back, I wonder whether school became a place of safety for me because home didn’t always feel safe.
As I sat there in the sunshine, I connected with young Victoria. I acknowledged what she had experienced, the things she couldn’t possibly have understood as a little girl, and the times when even school stopped feeling like a safe place.
And something quite unexpected happened.
I imagined holding her, cuddling her, and I could genuinely feel that connection. I could almost feel her hugging me back, tightly.
It felt incredibly soothing and comforting.
I told her that I understood. That I could see things differently now, as the adult she would eventually become. That she wasn’t to blame for the things she experienced.
I’m beginning to understand that inner-child work isn’t about changing the past. It’s about learning to recognise and reconnect with the younger versions of ourselves, offering them the understanding, compassion and reassurance they may have needed.
Today was about visiting my mum, remembering her and marking her birthday. But somewhere in that quiet moment, I also found a little connection with myself.
I also forgave her.
Perhaps healing isn’t always about making big discoveries or having all the answers.
Sometimes it’s simply sitting in the sunshine, closing your eyes and giving a younger version of yourself the hug she needed.
Today, I think young Victoria and I found each other for a little while. ❤️