By Velian Krav - 10/09/2025
Apparently, world politics has reached such heights of absurdity that even the tabloids can’t resist. According to the Irish Mirror, Vladimir Putin isn’t advised by economists, generals, or shady oligarchs. Nope. He’s allegedly advised by aliens.
Not just any aliens, mind you. Space reptiles. 🦎👽
Yes, you read that right. Somewhere out there in the Kremlin, in between gold curtains and endless meetings about oil and pipelines, a reptilian ET is whispering foreign policy advice into Putin’s ear. Probably in fluent Russian.
The source of this revelation? A Labour councillor from Whitby, North Yorkshire, who also claims he once lost his virginity to an extraterrestrial at the age of five. Because, of course, that’s the guy you call when you want geopolitical analysis.
So forget NATO. Forget sanctions. Forget military budgets. The real cause of conflict in Ukraine?
Cosmic lizards with clipboards.
And honestly — doesn’t it make sense?
• Sanctions failing? Alien plan.
• Gas pipelines exploding? Alien sabotage.
• Endless negotiations that go nowhere? Must be the reptile strategy guide.
The article even comes with a drawing. A green alien in a purple robe, looking like it just escaped from Comic-Con. Putin looks at it seriously, like: “Yes, comrade lizard, we will proceed with Phase Two.”
It’s peak 21st-century clown world. 🤡🖖🤡
So next time you hear about escalation in Ukraine, don’t blame geopolitics, economics, or history. Blame the space reptiles.
Because nothing says serious journalism like:
“Vladimir Putin is advised by ALIENS.”