I'm taking a break from Untilted yet again because I'd like to take a few moments to steady myself. I'm not actually burnt out or anything, but I just want to spend the last month of 2025 restructuring some things as I'm noticing that a lot is not working out for me right now.
Also, I came to the realization that I am someone who needs more time to do things (I always have been), not just because of any disorders or executive functioning deficits I may have (I'm not claiming a physical or mental health diagnosis as it's not better explained by that, I feel like it's due to something else entirely and I don't want to present myself as something I'm not to take away the experiences of those who have it worse than me) but I'm suspecting some subtle motivational deficits, as well as the obvious difficulty of carrying this whole thing fully by myself (though I would prefer to not have any accountability partners or employ people or any of that as I ideally want to do things independently, it's my whole thing to be self-reliant).
I'm not saying that I'm not willing to do the hard work, or that I've lost motivation for this project. But I have these unexplained motivational shifts where I go from being productive about something one day and then laze out without meaning to the next.
Again, it's not a huge mental issue or anything like that given that most of what I experience is fairly subclinical, but it does sometimes take a toll on me. It also explains why I take a long time to release some new things and the prior break I took back in July-August (though that was more due to me becoming frustrated at social media and being more preoccupied with my projects than anything else at the time, I admit I have a bit of an issue with becoming so easily absorbed in what I'm doing to the point of losing track of time).
However, I still feel that I can trust myself to get the job done, as I always turn in things on time and can deliver something acceptable at least, never middling (I hope). Not to brag, but I've actually had a lot of Honor Rolls back in middle and high school for this.
So, I would like to take this opportunity to improve on some things and maybe spend more time with family for the rest of December.
Thank you for understanding, Cam R.