I live in two prisons simultaneously. The Big Prison and The Small Prison. You can think of it as a cage (the smaller prison where I live) put into another cage (the bigger prison where I also live). However, I’m the only detainee in this Small Prison. In the past, there used to be several detainees in The Big Prison, but I suspect I’m the remainder of them. Maybe someone will be prosecuted in the future (again?), but for now, there’s only one who’s being held in both The Big Prison and The Small Prison, and that’s me.
Those prisons have one Governor and two Guardians. The Governor is a male who has more authority in The Big Prison, while the two Guardians, both female, call the shots in both prisons. The situation here is so unusual; the younger Guardian is more dominant than both the elder one and The Governor, and she commands all prison affairs, including those of The Small Prison. There’s only one person who can challenge The Young Guardian: Prison Resident 1, a male who often argues with The Young Guardian. But unlike me, he’s not a detainee, so neither the rules of The Big Prison nor the rules of The Small Prison bind him. This is how it is, because since Prison Resident 1 is a male, he has the right to violate those rules as a birthright, even if he, The Guardians, or The Governor aren’t aware of this.
Actually, I can’t say The Governor and The Guardians are the main management of those prisons. In fact, there are trillions of large and small prisons whose rules have been written by thousands of (not sure how many) most formidable Gods. All the Governors, Guardians, and detainees are obliged to worship those Gods. Governors are the ones who are the most loyal in their faith in The Gods. Guardians and detainees, on the other hand, can rebel against The Gods, violate the rules, and even set up new prisons in spite of The Gods, if they’re brave enough to use their own reasons or prepare the conditions for it. (I mean, that’s what I read from history books. I might have a double prison life, but certain crises of the past times resulted in a few loopholes in the prison systems, and when those loopholes were recognized by The Governor and The Guardians, I found myself entitled to some little rights such as the right to read.) Of course, this earns floods of hate speech or action by believers, but if The Prison Absconders has characters strong enough, they can deal with them. (Those who fail to deal turn back to where they escaped from, like me, like a loser, and, as punishment, a small prison is set up for them inside the big prison. My escape date and return date are the same, unfortunately: 28 June 2022 (which could be 29 or 27, too). Because I was never brave enough.)
I should add that escaping is a lot harder for a Guardian than a detainee, for a Guardian is someone who’s been detained for many, many years. When assured of their faithfulness, The Gods make them Guardians. Yet there are detainees who make themselves Guardians, such as my Young Guardian, and those are the most dangerous ones. They act according to the principle of “hurt people hurt people,” and they do quite a good job in doing so (you can trust my word on it because I can be considered an experienced detainee). Unfortunately, my Young Guardian is too blinded by hatred to see this. So there’s no hope for me; that woman will never escape this prison. (In the past, when she was a detainee, she attempted to escape, too. However, she failed, and they built a small prison like mine for her. At that time, there was only one Guardian, now The Old Guardian, and a Governor, who’s still in charge. But over time, The Guardian and The Goveror became weaker in authority, and Detainee 1 (that’s how The Young Guardian used to be called) could leave her Small Prison. Embracing the aforementioned principle, she became a Guardian.)
There’s another female Guardian of those prisons actually, though she’s far away from here, in K. (She and another Governor are probably building a Big Prison for a new Detainee 1. But who knows, maybe that tiny Detainee 1 will be brave, smart, or at least lucky enough to beat The God even before the ground was broken for that prison.) Still, she can have influence over the prisons here from time to time. (Nothing is worse than being a detainee at such times; the bars of The Big Prison lean over those of The Small Prison, coming down on them as you feel crushed under the pressure. In such a time, I tried to take my own life, but I failed. Again, because I wasn’t brave enough. My only consolation is that my hopeless pains weren’t noticed by either of The Guardians; they’re always deaf and blind to such things. The Governor, too, didn’t notice them fortunately; otherwise he’d refer the issue to The Guardians; he always refers. Then I guess they’d set up a third prison for me! Anyway, I’m not THAT suicidal anymore.)
And there’s Prison Resident 2. Just like Prison Resident 1, she doesn’t have to follow the prison rules. Normally, she’s supposed to be a slave to the rules according to the The Supreme Big Prison Law written by The God of Tradition, like me, since she’s a woman (but they call her girl). (The same law allows Prison Resident 1 to live inside and outside of the prison, literally to his heart's content, regardless of having financial independence. Women have to gain their financial independence to qualify for this right. But still, some stupid women, even though they attain this and finally get rid of the disgusting prison they’ve been stuck in since the day they were born, manage to be a Guardian in another prison, or, if they’re very unlucky and heedless, a detainee again. Well, we can’t expect everyone to be aware of all those Gods that surround them or even identify them as Gods, can we?) However, a resolution as such passed in the State of Unfair Freedom (a by-product of those crises I mentioned): Those who were born after 2004 shall not be detained. And regardless of gender! Can you believe that? I witnessed the passing of this resolution with my own eyes, too. Imagine the heaviness in my chest when it happened.
Of course, in this Big Prison, like many other prisons, there were ones who met the condition of financial independence for women and got the permission to leave. 3 former detainees, named Detainee 3, Detainee 4, and Detainee 5. (I suppose now their names should be Free 1, Free 2 and Free… No, that’s so ridiculous. It is true that detainee names are given according to the order of birth (only in women), but what about freedom names? See, your imagination evolves (if that can be called evolution) the way they determine when you live in those… (I can’t find the right adjective to express my anger here) prison(s) for 20 years (and the last 1 year)! Freedom names! What were their real names, oh yes: R., R., H.) Now they live in A. I don’t know if they’re dealing with other prisons or they’re completely free, like the men living in prisons as if they owned them from the very beginning. But I hope they’ll never have to deal with any Governors or Guardians. Because this, this freedom, is what they deserve.
As for me… I had only one chance to get permission to leave from my prisons (but it would be a partial leave according to the codes. I was supposed to wait for at least 5 years to have the full permission… Wait, so I had only that amount of time left to get rid of those bloody prisons and their bloody Governor and Guardians allegedly forever? I just realized that! Damn!) and I wasted it, 25 days ago. Then I got 2 definite years added to my detention time.
…
The Big Prison forbids free thinking and the free implementation of decisions taken as a result of free thinking.
The Small Prison takes the right of going out (and having permission for going out) from the detainee. Sometimes my Guardians, being unstable and shamelessly inconsistent individuals the ignorancy and bitterness inside them had transformed them into, swing the door of my Small Prison open, but I have my fair share of experience of seeing this door closed shut with a bang, with the effect of instinctual panic and cruelty aroused by important or unimportant events that developed inside or outside of the prison.
…
Big Prison Rules:
Prayers are performed, and other religious duties are fulfilled under strict scrutiny.
Headscarf is worn when going out.
Dishes are washed on time. (The Young Guardian and Prison Resident 1, despite having this responsibility, have the right to violate, and even then, this equal entitlement is the subject of occasional arguments between the two Prison Citizens.)
There’s a special obligation to do The Young Guardian’s bidding.
Small Prison Rules:
The detainee shall not exit the premises alone.
There are other rules too, so many things to tell, but that’s all I could remember for now. To be fair, the reasons why I can’t (or won’t) remember those rules I follow every day without protest now (or any other time) should be found in the deep exhaustion created by a silent but tragic war I fight, with a normal (that is, extremely oppressive) prison management and The God of Tradition, whom I hate much more than I hate myself or entire humanity.
12.07.2023
Update Notes:
(16.07.2024)
Is there a weakening of The Young Guardian’s authority (intentional?) or am I hallucinating? (Starting with January-February 2024)
It seems that some misunderstandings regarding The Guardian in K. have been spotted.
(12.11.2024)
There’s a reasonable suspicion as to the lack of any kind of influence or pressure in the writing of the update note dated 16.07.2024.*
*: Fuck!
(26.05.2025)
It has been strongly recommended not to leave prudence and vigilance with regard to “the weakening of The Young Guardian’s authority.”
(17.09.2025)
Starting with the month of September, I was released from the Small Prison, nevertheless I strongly recommended myself not to leave prudence and vigilance.