We Just Disagree
I was trying to remember the words of an old song.
I thought it said something about there being no good times and no bad times—only you and me, unable to see eye to eye.
I had it slightly wrong.
The song was “We Just Disagree,” recorded by Dave Mason and written by Jim Krueger. The actual distinction is not between good times and bad times. It is between the good guy and the bad guy.
That may be an even wiser observation.
Whenever a relationship becomes strained, we are tempted to turn its story into a courtroom drama. Someone must be innocent. Someone must be guilty. If I am the good guy, you must be the bad guy. If my recollection is right, yours must be wrong. If my hurt is legitimate, yours must not be.
But two people can experience the same conversation, decision, or season very differently without either one being a villain.
We just disagree.
That sentence does not settle the disagreement. It does not say that truth is unimportant or that every position is equally sound. Some actions really are harmful. Some behavior requires confrontation, boundaries, repentance, or consequences.
But not every disagreement requires us to assign someone the role of the bad guy.
Sometimes we are looking at the same reality from different locations. Sometimes we value different things. Sometimes we remember differently. Sometimes we have changed—and have not yet learned how to relate to the person the other has become.
We may still need to decide what comes next. We might reconcile. We might negotiate. We might agree to live with an unresolved difference. In some cases, we may need to part.
But even parting does not require us to rewrite the other person as entirely bad—or ourselves as entirely good.
Relationships are rarely that simple. Neither are events. Moments we call bad may contain lessons, unexpected gifts, or the beginning of something better. Moments we call good may carry complications we cannot yet see. Labels can help us describe an experience, but they should not be allowed to erase its complexity.
Perhaps maturity begins when we stop asking, “Which one of us is the bad guy?” and begin asking, “What is true, what have we learned, and how can we move forward without denying each other’s humanity?”
We do not always see eye to eye.
Sometimes there is no villain.
Sometimes it is only you and me—and we just disagree.