(Just documenting for future reference.)
I noticed the bathroom sink was struggling to drain. Knowing he wouldn't take care of it, I decided to clean it out as best as I could, pulling out the usual "gunk", put down some lye and let it clean up the rest. 15 minutes later, working drain.
The problem came in when I asked him where the plastic drain snake was. I had not used it in well over a year - I had no idea where it was. He remembered where it had last hung - but it wasn't there. Ok, no big deal for someone like me who is inventive and found some long handled round brushes to use. But to him?
It was a big deal.
Turned into a loud, ongoing rant.
It also started off as a $3 part and quickly turned into a $12 part. The price going up with each accusation that "someone" (meaning everyone else BUT him) threw it away. Or lost it.
It's NEVER him.
Not even the gunk in the sink.
That was due to me and our child.
Apparently he swallows his toothpaste and never uses soap to wash his hands?
You know?
Because unless he's doing that, part of that gunk was his.
And for someone like me?
No big deal.
Maintenance.
You clean it up and move on.
But for him - ANY moment like that turns into a chaotic lecture and rant (or rage) event - where he chants about how much he does for the house. How he "cannot do this lifestyle" anymore.
Good. THEN LEAVE. Just get on a damn bus and LEAVE.
I walked away - kept doing my thing - but even if I couldn't hear him - I could feel his energy. His horrible vibe. It's awful. And today it hit me - the first (and only) time I met his biological mother. Her energy was horrid. Full of rage. Lost in it. Consumed by it. That 5 minutes was enough for me.
He puts out that same energy.
Today he has used the names "lazy bitch" and "narcissistic demon". Again, the "n" word he never used until he heard me first use it a couple of years ago as I was first really learning about the term. He has also used his gangster-style talk (courtesy of some of the YouTube channels he watches).
65 year old man - sounding like a teenager.
It is embarrassing!
As he badgered me where his "3, 5, 7, 12 dollar" part was, as I moved around the house, I stopped and put on my best weapon for times like this: sarcasm and humor. I said the tool got lonely for his mate and left the house. I said he was supposed to be part of a two back, but the manufacturer messed up and sold him solo. The loneliness was too much to take. So, he left.
I was holding back laughter.
What did he say?
"There is no way that happened!" Loudly.
Did he not see the humor?
Normal couples would laugh.
Would use that humor to reconnect again.
But not this parasite who refuses to support his child by getting a job and should be in jail not only for abuse but for financial neglect. And besides, any "couple" here died 2 1/2 years ago when I decided I was done and it was roommates until I can afford my own place or he does the decent thing and leaves.
Some day the laws will shift.
Some day women like myself will be taken seriously.
And helped.
And supported.
In the way we need.
In the ways that work.
Without long wait lists.
SEEN WHERE WE ARE NOW.
Taken seriously.
You can help me by supporting my work here or through the options below.
As always, thank you for reading.
(And literally just now, he walks back here, announces loudly "That was a valuable resourceful tool. I hope you find it.")
Valuable? No. What is valuable is my nervous system which is injured and dysregulated because of him.
M.E.
You with the compassionate heart - if you wish to see me heal and liberate myself and my daughter from this situation - please show that compassion by buying me a coffee. And share my work and my story with your friends. I need a TRIBE around me to help me get out asap.
You are welcome to join my Telegram group: https://t.me/+p7NwgVUz8gxjNjY5
Here is my fundraiser:
https://www.gofundme.com/f/mom-start-over-new?attribution_id=sl:e41ebf4f-5504-418f-88d0-9971ffac57ff
SURVIVORS NEED:
*JUSTICE. PROSECUTION. ABUSERS HELD CRIMINALLY LIABLE.
*SAFE LONG-TERM AFFORDABLE HOUSING.
*TO BE HEARD AND SEEN FROM WHERE WE ARE NOW. ASK US WHAT WE NEED. WE WILL TELL YOU.
*THE TIME AND SPACE TO HEAL PROPERLY WITH THE HELP OF HEALERS TRAINED IN THIS KIND OF ABUSE AND THE HARM IT LEAVES.
*EMPLOYMENT WE CAN ACTUALLY DO AND EMPLOYERS WHO SEE US WHERE WE ARE AND WHO WE ARE. WE ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE WITH A DISABILITY WHO NEEDS SPECIAL ACCOMMODATIONS.