I feel like most everyone is done listening to me.
No one knows what it's like to live with people like this - unless you've walked that path. He was on me all day. ALL. D A Y. And it all started after he told me his biopsies were benign, and he isn't dying - so I suggested now he could get a part-time job to help more $$ with our daughter. Not me - for our daughter. That's all it took. He went off. Manic behavior. Agitated. And he did this all. day. He doesn't stop. I walked away. I ended up begging him to please. just. stop.
"I don't have to!" No respect for my boundaries. Nor for our daughter. All day he would come in, find me, including pounding loudly on the bathroom door I had locked and verbally dump his list of accusations on me - calling me names. Fat lazy bitch. Cunt. Narcissistic liar. Crazy. Delusional. Mocking me for the issue I have in the car. And here's a new one: He told me he's telling the neighbors how crazy I am.
Why is it these types can engage in this kind of behavior and not show any signs of exhaustion, but for me, I AM SPENT. Depleted.
No one understands. A group I belong to, one of the support members phoned me tonight. She listened as I spoke. She heard him pounding on the door then yelling. "Help me," I said. You are part of a wonderful healing group. H E L P ME. She said all she could do was listen to me.
Listening isn't enough.
I need affordable housing.
I need promoting.
I need help finding work I can actually DO - and at the moment with my traumatized body and brain - it ain't much.
I'm so tired of being told how strong I am. I'm tired of being DISMISSED. I'm tired of people NOT SEEING ME. No - I AM NOT THAT STRONG. Not now. SEE ME where I am NOW. Jesus Christ - someone SEE ME.
M.E.