Forward
We're going to be rolling at somewhat reduced capacity until I find a place to set down. Going to do everything I can to keep the links clean and the material worth consuming, but I am hotel hopping in Southeast Asia for... a while. I wanted to get this out; somehow I've managed to work myself into a corner where I can't really push anything else out until I've done some catching up. Here is the Verba, and here is the Vox.
So, standby for the spoken word, and enjoy this orientation for now. I felt many things writing this; events have indeed been set into motion which cannot be undone...
And I'll be missing this months therapy appt...
I did not plan to leave everything behind on a whim and fly to Thailand... But then again, I did not plan or expect to even make it past Recruit Training, so it's all been just as much a surprise for me as anyone.
I'm sitting in a hotel room, so I'll be using my inside voice, but let's call this chapter zero for now. If you want to follow along in closer to real time as I work to re-establish myself, again, it goes deeper than just a YouTube channel.
We're back to burning bridges again...
The dynamics of my living situation changed. Following that there was an unexpected death, funeral, and some difficult matters of finance that I had to reckon with. All of this led me, forced me, to perform some long term mental calculus on the spot and long story short; I decided that I don't want to play Survival in America anymore. So I opted out and walked away.
Now; 5 Reasons Why:
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I. (re)Tired Veteran
I am tired, and my body hurts
More than tired... done...
At 17 years of age, I willingly offered my body and mind to The State. What happened, happened and I am lucky to only have been damaged as I am.
When I eventually exited service and was returned to the masses a divorced and broken man, my "family" convinced me to move back home, and I was not only abused and mistreated, but lied to and gaslit.
Despite all my best attempts to behave, participate in society, control my temper, and generally be a decent human being, I found myself mocked, neglected, laughed at, and spat upon; abused and mistreated.
As I approach 31 years of age, I find that I no longer have patience for playing stupid games, or dealing with people who lack common decency.
I am today a veteran of The United States Marine Corps who has served 8 years across 3 units. I have lost and sacrificed more of my life than I can even accurately account for, and have only recently been able to stop the FeverDreams about all that was, way back when.
And after all that was, way back when, when I found myself spiritually defeated, isolated, and without a home of my own in Chicago, I gave my best effort to rejoin the workforce, and I was abused and mistreated.
Then, rejected by all I once called kin and left to wander these worlds on my own, I tried to find a quiet spot to just exist, out of the way, while I planned to rebuild my life. Even then I was abused and mistreated.
Now, I'm just over it.
I am tired
I am exhausted in a way that should not be possible; if I am not dealing with the crumbling social fabric I am pressed by the economy.
If not these, I am defending against racists while being anxious about what the next once in a lifetime crisis is going to be, and aren't we all wondering to no end in sight how any of us are going to build an actual life for ourselves when it seems that the entire system is secretly designed to prevent any form of real progress?
I desire deeply and greedily to sleep a sleep I have desperately needed to sleep for all my life but have been unable to sleep for all the chaos and fuckery preventing me from finding or creating any lasting peace in my life.
My soul demands a rest from this seemingly endless march of madness to oblivion; my mind will no longer support any action that does not further an escape from the cycle.
Many things can be true at once: I love the idea of America, and I'm incredibly thankful to have had an opportunity to earn the rights that have been given to me through my service, despite the scars upon my soul and wounds to my flesh. I love a nation that has not necessarily shown a lot of love to me, but as an American, I am free to leave.
So I'm away from the homeland and in search of a new home.
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II. Inheritance of Ash
There is nothing in America for me
"Family"
What even is family? I have died a dozen times over and been remade just as many, but the people I'm related to would never know.
I could be dead at this very moment, and they would not know.
They wanted nothing I offered, and offered to give me nothing while openly and repeatedly telling me to leave.
At some point along the way we forsake the idea of caring for our own, then we forgot empathy and began to let each other struggle in darkness. We confused prayer with progress and decided that going to church was enough to change our lives, and while lost on that path we discovered cope in excess and excuses in abundance.
We stand on our half victories and proclaim ourselves kings of dirt mounds while refusing to address the reality of our shortcomings. When called out, we lash out, and each individual can do no wrong, so all the worlds have sinned against them when any issue occurs.
A people so lost we don't even think about escaping the ghetto, let alone talk about plans to make it happen. "The Culture" is fundamentally broken and it shows in shattered homes and decimated dreams as generation after generation make the same mistakes... and are subjugated to the grind of poverty under generational chains of mind.
I can take nothing from my former kin but traits of addiction and a stubborn demeanor. Poor habits and self destructive mentalities. My birthright is the generational curse of malevolent traditions born through cope and sustained through apathy. Like everything else, I reject it outright and seek to design something better.
"Friends"
What are friends? The companions I once had are now on paths of their own, long ago having left me behind. If they are not trapped in the ratrace they are locked behind bars or sealed away in graves. We talk about wanting more in life but action never follows. We vote with our time and actions but we lobby on high hopes and promises. Learned behavior from Authority: Hypocrisy.
Did I ever even have real friends, or just fair weather fellows? People have always left me on read, used me for what I had to offer, and taken from me with no thought of giving back. How many times have I injured myself or been injured, and everyone just watched me bleed?
They come to me at random as strangers now, seeking conversation, forgiveness or understanding; I do not know them and they do not know me.
There is nothing for me in America but the pain of memory and the frustration of fruitless efforts to develop roots.
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III. "Buying Power"
The current state of the economy guarantees nothing but future suffering.
We're standing in an economy where several different apocalypse-adjacent pressures are beginning to synchronize.
Governments have debt approaching the size of annual global economic output while global energy systems are now bare and exposed to geopolitical chokepoints. Hundreds of millions of people are experiencing hunger and billions unable to afford a healthy diet. This is also the coldest summer of the rest of your life.
Then there's housing, crime, etc, all while AI is silently potentially restructuring a quarter to two-fifths of the world's labor market. And you have the infrastructure required to respond to these problems competing for the same scarce capital.
Climate damage can increase food prices.
Food inflation can increase political instability.
Political instability can disrupt energy and trade.
Energy shocks can produce inflation.
Inflation can keep interest rates high.
High interest rates make housing and infrastructure more expensive.
Expensive housing suppresses household formation and consumption.
High government debt limits fiscal responses.
It's going to collapse eventually, and I'm not giving it more than a decade from today. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to even properly imagine what 40 Trillion dollars in debt looks like in physical bills?
I don't think it takes a genius to look at the current structure of "the system" and realize that it's going to be quite impossible to keep it going in it's current state for much longer.
I am not a financial expert, and this is not financial advice.
I strongly recommend you do not take financial advice from a random man on the Internet in a random hotel in Bangkok who openly states that he is currently navigating using light from bridges that he very recently set on fire.
But... It will be the highly skilled generalist who will inherit the Earth after the coming crisis.
I am a writer, graphic designer, personal coach, copywriter, and a number of additional titles depending on how I feel and what that specific day calls for.
My entire life has prepared me for a life of no safety nets, so I'll use what I have and know that success in all things will flow to me freely so long as I do not quit striving to move forward.
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IV. The Dreamer
It's more realistic to chase my dreams, given the economy and my experience
I convinced people to enlist over the phone during Covid. I invented systems for the logistical effort of moving my unit for a deployment. Little Isaac worked correspondence in the Mayors office once, and teenage Isaac enlisted into the Marine Corps when he had no reason to believe he would be successful.
Despite 2 NJPs and 5 years spent drifting after 8 years in, I have my medals and skills, awards and experiences that I KNOW all give me the edge required to succeed in all things.
I know where I am going and I have a general idea of what tools in my box I can use to travel me to my goals.
Every decision that has come before has led me to this point where I am able, for a while at least, to pour literally all of my free time into my passions and projects in order to launch them with as much force as possible. Something's going to take off eventually, again, so long as I do not quit.
Someone will take an interest in my writing, or become entranced by my drawings. If not the material itself, the worldbuilding that's going to feed my fiction. If not the works and materials produced for the Lesterian Creative VERSE, it will be Lesterian Anti-Motivation for The MINDSET Nation, or Creeds of The Grey Garrison, or Scriptures of The Dark Church.
I have the UnderWriters Network on Reddit now. I have The Rogue Anthropologist Project, as well as Imperial Ink and Imperial Engineering for Project Broadsword. I've built the Open Notes Archive, and spread my hobbies in Lesterian extrapolation across all of Isaac's Ideas and a dozen YouTube channels to support My Digital Empire.
I have no other options: I am fully persuaded and completely bought in on the idea of my success. It's happened already, because I can see it.
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V. Post Mortem, Libertas
What's the worst that could happen?
It's not like I've not already lost everything and had to start over from scratch, multiple times already. I've been stripped down to basics and left to figure it out on my own more times than I can count, actually. Isolated and alone in some way or another for my entire time on this planet.
I'm not coming back in any meaningful sense. I'm not using the credit system to purchase a home or a vehicle any time soon. My next vessel will be bought with cash, and my living expenses are already low; Through my skills and my personal work I can always rely on myself to create more income beyond the investments I currently survive on if I need more, when I need more. I do not want for much, however, and this has made me truly wealthy beyond measure.
I called the bank and told them to come tow the car from the airport hotel I departed from. I left the boats where they are. What few things I wanted to hold on to are packed "danger tetris style" in storage for someday.
Nothing exists in a vacuum, and on the other end of my decisions there will not be happy people who believe what I say or even care to hear it, but I did not want things to end this way. It is always preferrable to leave a clean wake rather than new issues for someone else to solve. But, I am tired, and my hands were forced.
My name and my word are as trash as my credit will be soon. Fine.
No sense in beating burned horses with felled bridges, so it is what it is. I'll figure it out when I'm able to figure it out.
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I'm not on vacation, and I'm not running from anything but a system that demands I keep running long after I've stopped having anything left to give it. I know what this costs the people on the other end of my decisions, and I carry that too, whether they believe I mean it or not. I made decisions and set events in motion which cannot be undone, and I'm living beneath the weight of them now, day by day, carrying it over my head like a shield, until I've built something solid enough underneath me to call a foundation.
Until then, I write.
I write to make sense of my life, I write to keep from crying, I write to help others, I write so that I am not alone.
I write, and I share, to make some light from this darkness in my mind. I write until I've delivered myself from these hardships to the gorydamn stars of my ambitions; and I will get there.
@TheIsaacLester everywhere
Per Aspera Ad Astra
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- Creator Captain TheIsaacLester
Legio Sum
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