Exhibitionist: the insult

Is it not just displaying who you are?

…..

What’s wrong with being an Exhibitionist?

Why’s it, forever, used as a slight?

Bouncing off walls

Crevices, poisoned with opinion

(How dare?)

It’s worse than my cooking

I can’t be all that is traditional

Good girl living life ‘right’

I want your love and approval,

but I’m ablaze, with pulling my organs

together from the wall

And making a One Day

Not for now, in a long time -

I’m still needing to be liked

An adult wanting to Play

Revolving into, temporary, dreams of..

(I suppose now, it’d be..)

Tomorrow night

I can revolutionise nothing

Loose words responded to

becoming my fright night

Hating myself

Coated, and woven, into

your majestic absolution

(The rotting, that bites)

When do my dreams

become the haze to which I have

the right?

I’m under impermanent dreaming

and solutions

Not illusion

Welling insides drip out, every night

….

Why is Exhibitionist used as an insult?

The playbook, red,

Solemn, substandard

without the bright

Yet, you can say my world is, merely, revisionist

Minimised.

Can you revolutionise your seeing?

Taking your time

Is there a belonging wrapped up

in the potential of a twist?

A home for you, (Never!)

in my own eyes

….

Just because we’re different, doesn’t make me less than

….

Was I an exhibitionist?

(really)

Or, Did I shut myself down?

Want something I thought

you couldn’t take

Loneliness needed sugar

and a fix

Stomach cramps

Reminded that I’m the me you’d

never choose

That has to be laid down

To sadden the curves, and softness,

in my face

I knew you could

I thought you would

Secrets wrapped in protection

A lifetime of chances, I didn’t take

They don’t have to appreciate

something given naturally

and for free

They value the fight for it all

Don’t give her it all

Can’t reassure, and allow the relief

How much change could there, ever,

really be?

The person they want to

try for

(You make it clear)

It’s never going to be me

…

I am the But..

You have to dismiss me

It’s another way of bigging up the you

Take my hands and tell me that you’ll

never touch them

Or care for them

Lifelines and wrinkles, so offensive

In my breathing, you’d never waste your energy on something

you tell us all

Something that never matters to you

I know it

I get it

Kick me when I’m down

I say Love you

You never respond

You’d never want to read them -

or me

To this illusion,

I feel the ties

You’re heavy duty bound

I feel it

I’m not competing

Not on the track

I know it at my core

Too busy making jokes about myself

before you do it first

I am worth more than shaming

Stuck in a place

that others might be hurt

I can’t allow your pattern

to destroy me anymore