For Molly and Montana
Here's my guide to the perfect day in Santorini if you're planning on doing the Fira to Oia hike. Which I recommend you should do because its the most beautiful walk in the world
However whilst it is beautiful af it is not, I repeat NOT, short or easy. You will need the following
a plucky sense of adventure
sensible shoes (you can do it in trainers I wouldnt recommend flip flops or open toes)
some cash for the bus back
some water (theres a few places along the way to get more!)
a stylish fit thats also kinda sporty because ur gonna wanna take photos every 100 metres
a sense of wanting to eat lots of good food (because its my tour im gonna recommend foot)
F*ck the steps get the cable car
Ok, unless the queue is 600 miles long - just get the dang cable car. You're gonna be walking heaps and it's gonna be pleasant unlike the donkey/mule steps which have the fresh pungent aroma of donkey/mule nature and the desperately uneasy feeling of potentially being mowed down by Eyore at any stage (dunno how to spell it but you know who I mean - hes got a pig for a friend)
So yeah - jump in the cable car if you can! It will make the start of your day much more pleasant and it means you save your calves for the important bits. For those of you small calf sufferers like me I feel your pain
Stop 1 - Fuel up at Stolen Fruit Cafe
You're a high performance walk/hiking machine. You need to fuel up so the first start is my FAVOURITE place in all of santorini - the stolen fruit cafe. They have the most incredible selection of acai bowls, smoothies, coffees, every oat milk under the sun that you can think of, ginger shots. It's basically a hot girls instagram dream. This place sells out of everything every day and the owner looks like australian rugby scrum half nick Phipps (such a niche reference but those who get it will get it)
I mean look at this. Some kind of blue spirulina coconut smoothie bowl thingy if memory serves correct. Eat all of the things here. Drop loads of cash. Because the post walk meal will be heavy on the traditional greek cuisine (i.e. a fresh fruit shall not be any where near the plate and you will be laden in gyros)
Step 2 - The most beautiful hike in the world
Alright step 2 get ur fine ass back to where the cable car dropped you and wait for it... wait for these super super complex directions.... Put the sea on your left and start walking. Basically thats the directions for 90 percent of the hike. It's all stunning high cliffs leading to stunning views leading to stunning sunshine leading to questionable tan lines
You just start walking and it's an undulating pathway with occasional bursts of pink and purple flowers cascading down from the immaculate white walls and ornate doors and archways! You will want to take an instagram photo every 100 metres im not lying
The beauty of the walk is that the terrain changes almost constantly. In the beginning you're dodging slow tourists, ironically complaining about the amount of tourists that are there because theyre ruining YOUR tourist experience
(it legit looks exactly like this - except this was taken at the end and the sea will be on your LEFT for the entire walk)
But within about 15 minutes you will have left the maddening crowds behind and the peaceful part of the walk begins where you weave in between beautiful resorts and peek into peoples private villas trying to guess who is on their honeymoon and how that guy managed to convince that girl to marry him and commenting about which of the resorts you'd actually prefer to stay in, being INCREDIBLY judgemental about some of them "ewww id never stay there people can look in" even tho you 100 percent cant afford any of them
Still a fun game to play.
You'll also pass the outdoor cinema which only shows mamma Mia on repeat. A story about a woman who had unprotected sex with 3 different ment and invites them all to a wedding so she can drop absolutely life changing information on one of them with zero warning, no doubt necessitating extreme therapy for all involved. Also pierce Brosnan was sh*t in that movie. Let's be honest here. Handsome. But awful. Man can't sing. Great James Bond and has aged fantastically. But murder that music
I've gone off on a tangent and turned this into a rant about mamma Mia - returning to task in 3,2,1....
Step 3 - The Wilderness
There is a cute little cafe about an hour into the hike but for the life of me im fcked if I can remember the name. But it's on the right hand side. On the walk. And they have a lovely loo and are reasonable priced for waters and stuff and they give you free postcards if you buy drinks. Ironically the postcards are meant to help you remember the name of the place.
F*ck!
I know the decor is brown and the loo is just inside the door on the left. I'll think of it I'm sure (I wont)
But if I do the walk again I'll try remember it. I know my ma got one of the postcards because the randy greek men loved her. Those classic randy greek men sure are charming to be fair to them 
(There's big Mary being the best Santo Queeny youve ever seen)
But after that cafe that I cant remember - you're into the wilder part of the walk
Where you leave behind the little towns and you start to wander along cliff side and then up a big old hill to a beautiful church right up the top where I took thirst traps beside (whats new)
The view from here is SPECTACULAR!! Like genuinely incredible and the church has a greek flag so you can let people know you were in greece...
(Me winning a handstand competition against Dasha our superstar acrobat. Im basically an acrobat)
Step 4 - Up and OVER
Ok now you're into the bit that feels like all the fun because you bounce over an old volcano (dont know if thats true but it feels true enough) and the terrain is full of scree so you feel like a proper adventurer. Look at us below. Intrepid adventurers galore
You follow the signs for Oia (I always make a "can I get an hoyaaaaa" joke around then) and you head up and over a steep bit then wiggle down the main road for a few hundred metres and then youre into the FINAL CLIMB!!!
Step 5 - The Final Climb
Luckily the final climb is also probably the most beautiful as you stare back at gorgeous Santorini and smugly realise youre way way way better than all the people who didn't do the walk. You are health. You are fitness. They are not. They are standard tourists whilst you're basically David Attenborough.
And when you reach this little archy warchy bit wouldnt you just know it buts its ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE... you will be very pleased about that because its all just casual strolling down the uneven rocky surface (not much fun) into the beautiful town of Oia
And once you're in there food awaits (and the famous blue roofs)
Step 6 - More Food but trust me you f*cking earned it!
You're making a bee line to one place and one place only (and
It's called Pitogryos and it's traditional greek food. It was once a little Hole in the wall secret but thanks to douchebags on tiktok and me (for sharing this information with everyone I meet) its now super popular and busy
(dont my nails look lovely)
But it's traditional greek food and it absolutely slaps and youve burnt thousands of calories so youve earned that stuff!!
Step 7 - Tourist in Oia
Go be a tourist. Over pay for some tack and then get ur photo by the blue roofs. It's all SUPER beautiful around there and you'll love it. There is a famous place where you take the photo - the easy way to find it (its on the left off the marble Main Street) is to spot all the tourists cramming around it
Step 8 - Bus back to Fira and Sunset Bar
If you have ship anxiety like me you'll wanna watch the sunset in Fira and not oia (even tho its incredible in Oia) - The bus goes from 1 minute walk away from the food place above (im not spelling it again) and for a couple of euro you can rest ur weary legs all the way back to Fira
Then find a decent sunset bar (there are so so so so so many) and set yourself up with a little glass of something
Step 9 waddle back to ship
Passing some dozing donkeys as you do.
Step 10 - Talk at length about how wise and great Steve is for his recommendation
And there you have it
The perfect day in Santorini if you wanna do the hike
Much Love
Stephen
p.s. if you dont wanna do the hike rent quad bikes its great craic
p.p.s. or just wear a really cool outfit and take loads of beautiful photos then get litty on the beach all day working on your tan and eating great food and getting hit on by aforementioned randy greek men