What do we do when we lose motivation? Whether you're a yogi who hit a plateau or a runner who decided to take the day off to the Mom's that try to fit in an excercise class but got caught up with the craziness that having kids bring....we sometimes just don't want to move. And after missing that one day of excercise, you wake up the next day ans think "well, one more day off won't be so bad". And those days turns into weeks, weeks into months....and somehow we find ourselves waking up and realizing "where did my motivation to workout go?". Your one of hundreds if not thousands of people who have come across this difficult part in their workout journey. Take me for instance, I used to practice yoga everyday, never missing a moment to stretch or do a handstand. Damn, I felt good. I lost weight I never thought I'd lose, and I became a self-loving person. I practiced affirmations daily and would journal often throughout the day.
I went from being an in shape yogi with strength and flexibility in mind and body.
Then my depression hit.
I signed up for Yoga Teacher Training (YTT) and didn't make the required hours needed because I was completely burned out. I pushed myself so hard that I was starting to doubt myself and my practice. In YTT, I began the self sabotaging practice of comparison. I would look around thr room and see my competition...not my peers who could help me grow into my best self and join a community of people who appreciate yoga as much as I do. I thought I knew more than anyone....I began to overthink my appearance; if my poses were 100% perfect, if my clothes were cute, if my knowledge of yoga was above the rest of the students. I would go to training and then come home and practice more. I had led myself into the trap of egotism and self sabotage. On one end I felt like I was above everyone and on the other hand, I felt like a fraud. Never good enough to make it. And slowly, I started to practice less and less. This slowly began a depression that I walled myself into. I gained weight by stopping my practice, I started smoking cigarettes again and I started to mentally criticize my abilities by telling myself that "I just can't do it."
The love I gained by pushing myself to the next level went away. I was depressed, gaining more and more weight and had no idea how to become something in this world that would make me feel fulfilled.
So, how do you get back something that you lost? How do you restart a journey that tool so much effort and inner strength to begin with? How do you restart everything? Can you?
They say that once you begin the practice of Yoga, that it is always with you. I agree with that. During my depression I could fill tiny bursts of contentment. I could barely just touch the magical feeling you get when you step onto your mat. That "everything is well" feeling that you heard deep inside your Heart Chakra.
I had to get back. Somehow someway, I had to get back to what started it all. I began to meditate again. Just 20 minutes of closing my eyes. I could feel the self doubt stir up in me as I sat on my yoga cushion.
You have to start over
You lost everything
You can't do it anymore
You threw it all away
I'm a loser. A failure. I'm not a real yogi.
As I'm writing this, I can see the negativity aluminating back at me. I can feel the lost girl inside crying out.
I needed to change before I got swallowed alive in self misery.
So, as much as I felt embarrassed, I decided to try.
And to try would be to start from the beginning. What brought me to yoga in the first place? I was seeking a way to love myself. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I started yoga because I liked it. I loved it. I obsessed about it.
To begin again is the first step. To begin again doesn't have to equate to failure. To begin again shows real strength.
I started with my mind. My yoga asana practice ceased to exist but in order to rebuild, you have to start from the beginning. I had tons of resources on my side. I began writing affirmations; whether I agreed with it or not.
Love yourself
Forgive yourself
Be grateful
I would turn these phrases into mantras that I would say internally to myself:
I love myself
I forgive myself
I am grateful
Over and over and over again. I would meditate and hear the negative talk and by awareness it would be up to me to change my thoughts. Sitting still and waiting for negative phrases to sneak in, I began to challenge those thoughts (just like I did in the beginning of my journey)
I don't love myself
No. I love myself.
I can't forgive myself
I chose to forgive myself and I do
There's nothing to be grateful for
I'm grateful for my body and all that it does
Challenging long held beliefs; especially when they've been engraved in your self-consciousness is hard.
It would take daily practice. Each day, I gave myself time to read a new affirmation or motivating article.
I restarted my yoga practice with the Mind first.
If you don't believe in yourself, then it's pretty hard to do anything for yourself, wouldn't you agree?
The practice of self-love should always come first.
Don't wait until you see results in your body. Start by seeing results in your mind. Love yourself from the inside out.
Slowly, as that inner voice begins to challenge your doubts. Slowly, you begin to think differently. It becomes a habit. So much so, that as you really begin to believe in yourself, you ask yourself "let's try a sequence on the mat."
And with those handy affirmations guiding you throughout your practice, you begin to truly start the journey of yoga.
It's not about what you see today. It's about what you see as you progress. I know I won't have a six pack overnight. It will take time, patience and trust.
I can't climb the entire mountain on my first day back. But I can take small steps each day and build from there.
Today I will practice yoga
Just for the moment, I believe in all that I am
Just for this moment, I will love myself through all of my practice; whether I fall or stumble.
Yoga begins with our minds and yoga begins when self-love starts. I need to remember this. For so long, I would pity myself, crawl back into my protective space where I feel safe by doing nothing. It's true! How can you fail if you never begin? Yet, the question should be, how can I fail if I get up after falling? How can I fail if I try? How can I fail if I love myself enough to forgive?
Can I find true balance from genuine love of my Mind, Body and Spirit? The answer is yes and then some.
Self- love is where to start when you chose to begin again.
Start from your mind.
Begin to clearly understand what your mind is saying....and especially what it's not saying.
Mind: Self-love, affirmations, meditation, self-reflection, mindfulness, breathing, gratitude
Body: Eat the foods your body deserves, push yourself beyond what you think your capable of, forgive yourself, respect your body, honor your body, strengthen your body, awareness.
Spirit: Gratitude, faithfulness, Mindfulness, stillness, obedience, habits, awakening of your Chakras, exploration of what is deeply buried within your soul.
Imagine what balance you can create when the Mind, Body and Spirit are aligned. Imagine what is possible in this very moment. Give yourself to a greater understanding. Believe you can, just in this very moment. Don't think about what it might be tomorrow, next week, next year, forget all of that.
Control what you can in this moment only. Don't overthink, don't underthink. Just be.
You might not like where you are right now. Maybe, like me, you've gained weight, and just can't do what you used to do: accept that and begin where you are in this moment. I can't do a backbend like I used to but what I can do is practice. It takes humility. I can't tell you how many times I would step on the mat and realize I couldn't do what I did 2 years ago and just stop. And give up.
I am trying to substitute those thoughts with affirmations that pick up my soul.
I can do it if I try.
I chose to try anyway.
I will begin exactly where I am at.
I am grateful for what my body can do today.
Self- love is an everyday habit we must practice in order to feel the results. Self-love doesn't begin when we finish that 1 hour workout. It doesn't begin when I can finally do that backbend. It doesn't begin in body. Self-love begins in the Mind.
So forgive yourself for what happened and love yourself for beginning again. This isn't a race. This isn't about wearing that bikini you used to rock a few years back. That will come in time. With the greatest amount of gratitude, begin again and tell yourself that that's okay. Because it is. It's okay to begin again. It's okay to feel angry at yourself for letting it all go. That's okay. But that should be a moment, not a habit of thinking. You understand where it went wrong and you forgive yourself for it. You can't always hop onto the journey you began and ended. You start a new journey.
So for today, I will begin a new journey. My journey starts now. A new journey. A new chapter. A new way. Everything learned in the previous chapter is still inside....it just helps fuel your new path. Yoga didn't just disappear within. It's still there. It just was put on mute 🔇
Unmute yourself and begin your journey with a new understanding.
I know what didn't work last time and so this time, I come into this new chapter with wisdom and knowledge I did not have before.
Today I practice yoga and start where I am.
Yoga, once implanted in your heart, will forever be there. It may come in different ways but it's still my yoga. It is still inside of me. Waiting to come back to the surface. Alive and Well.
