I'm Nadi (Nadejda) or Spades (Scarlet Spades). I'm 35, solo, and childfree. I believe I'm valuable in this world, even when it doesn't.

I hesitated for a long time making this, because of the social stigma of mutual financial aid. I'm not in financial crisis, but I'm struggling to live a healthy and happy life. I live in constant financial stress and anxiety. If I contribute or have contributed to your life in a positive way, please consider a small monthly subscription.

While one-time donations are much appreciated (bottom of page), I would really prefer a subscription (even if tiny) for peace of mind. Regardless, anything would go a really long way!

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Update Jan 2026: A lot has changed since I last updated. Unfortunately, I had to drop out of my PhD program last April, so I'm no longer getting a $25k/year stipend, and my income is less than that. I have a new job, but the wage is only $19.60/hour and I get less than 20 hours per week.

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Update Sept 2024: I've combined the three types of categories (Necessities, Self-care, and Community) into one. I think this is simpler!

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My contribution

I've been creating community and hosting events since middle school. I don't want to profit from events or spaces, hence only charging to cover the basic costs. I want my events and spaces to be accessible to as many as possible. I put a lot of sweat and tears into throwing things together, but I don't want to charge for that. The events I'm most proud of were with the Synergizer Collective from 2014-2016.

Through my events and communities, I hope to create a safer space for authentic expression and exploration. The world is a stressful and demanding place, where we're forced to hide our deepest selves, to compete against one another in a battle of survival and prestige. I hope I create spaces where people can step away from all that for a moment, reconnect with themselves, and connect more deeply with each other. Space to have those human experiences we all yearn for, but don't always get.

I experienced a transformation when I found community for the first time at age 20. I experienced a sense of meaning and belonging, and I want everyone to have that. I want to bring safety, acceptance, and mutual support to those of us who need it most. I want to share the feelings of magic I've experienced, I want to share wisdom with each other, I want to thrive together.

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My current jobs

0. I just finished up my 5th (and final) contract as a research assistant at École de technologie supérieure, in data analysis and machine learning for optical networks (total 20 months). It was 10h/week at $25/hour, usually weekdays.

1. I'm starting a PhD (4 years) with the same professor, in optimization of a hybrid classical-quantum network testbed enabled by AI. Stipend is $25k/year minus ~$5k tuition (net $20k).

2. I'm working front of house at the University of Waterloo Theatre Centre (house manager, concessions, box office, usher). A few hours a week, usually evenings and weekends, at $18 to $23.50/hour depending on position.

3. I organize about 2 events/year in Toronto, 3 events/year in my building's party room, and 5-10 small events/year at my apartment. I also volunteer at a few other events per year (FoH, DM, etc).

4. I have run Nadi Polls (Facebook group and Discord server) since 2014, and Flaming Rainbows Slack group since 2018.

Here is my CV and my LinkedIn.

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The numbers, for those who want them

Total income (2023): $16.9k (13.2k research, 3.7k theatre)

Total income (2022): $9.2k (3.8k research, 5.4k self-employment)

Monthly earnings = ~$1.4k CAD

I do not receive aid from family (except small items when I visit to cover my travel costs).

Mortgage: $501; Condo fee: $284 (2023); Property tax: $71 (2023); Internet/phone: $47; Hydro: ~$40; Medical expenses: $50-100 (estimate); Travel to GTA for appointments: $32 (covered by parents, see above); Food/supplements/household/hygiene: ~$300-400? (I don't track it).

Monthly necessities roughly equal income. This means I can't afford certain medical treatment and therapy that I need. I hope this improves a little with the PhD, but I don't know how that will even go yet. I do not have insurance or benefits (beyond OHIP).

A note that any vacations I've taken have been with past savings, but I'm down to just emergency savings now. Also note that while I own 25% of the share of my home on paper, I would owe my co-owner a lot of money if I were to keep that ratio, and it is currently closer to 10%.

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The three streams (note: removed as of September 2024)

Given all this, I understand that different people may feel comfortable contributing in different ways. If you're unable or unwilling to contribute at this time, I just ask that you be kind and don't make hurtful comments. If you'd like to contribute, I've given people 3 different options depending on what feels most comfortable for you.

Necessities stream: If helping me pay my bills feels best, this is for you. While I can stay afloat, I could definitely put more into healthy food or medical treatment for example, as well as the emergency fund. Having the bases covered puts my mind at ease.

Self-care stream: If improving my well-being and happiness feels best, this is for you. Things like taking dance/fitness classes, being able to eat out, go to physiotherapy, psychotherapy, pursue my hobbies - the things that bring me health and joy.

Community stream: If my events or online communities contribute positively to your life, this may be for you. Note that this is voluntary and I will continue not to charge for these things and keep them accessible. Also note that donations here will not increase the frequency of events.

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My disabilities

Despite all I do, my disabilities affect my life every day. I wish I could work a full-time job, but it's extremely difficult for me. My current jobs and passions, while stressful, allow for some flexibility. I want so badly to have a stable job with benefits, even if the salary is cut according to the workload (e.g. 60%), but I've been unable to find this. I'm starting a PhD because that's what my supervisor has funding for, and the idea of looking for something new is terrifying.

I struggle with with chronic depression, suicidal feelings, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, specific phobias, panic attacks, health anxiety, frequent migraines (~10 days/month), and adult ADHD.

I'm being treated for all of these things (with low effectiveness), but financial stress is my main obstacle right now. I know the things I need to ease my symptoms from past experience, but this is difficult the more stress I'm under. I hope I can find that balance once again.

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The subscription

This is a new idea for me, and there may be an adjustment period. The idea is to give the various tiers monthly updates on how things are going and what I'm working on in each of the three categories. Members will get their names listed as thanks when I host events (opt-in!) and I'm entertaining the idea of a "Supporter" Discord role.

I like that it's a fun poll between the 3 streams, but if you really can't decide, feel free to drop a larger one-time donation or subscribe to multiple (if possible). There is also an uncategorized Hero option! I hope to send anyone in that tier a custom thank-you selfie each month. There is an annual option for those who prefer that as well.

If you're unable or unwilling to support me at this time, that is totally okay! I'd rather not hear the reasons, we all have our struggles. If you unsubscribe or change your level, there will be no questions asked.

Note: If you want to be anonymous on the page, please use an alias or let me know.

A huge thanks in advance if you choose to support me!