[death]
among the trees dressed in teddy bears
we watched death float up the river
she kissed the stars and blessed the grass
smirking at us, she waved and winked and gloated
her eyes restrained Earth’s fires, burning an autumn red
we hid in the woods, wondering if she’d follow
i thought of her the next day and the next and the next and the next
imagining her arms wrapping around me like a teddy bear in a tree
one day, i trapped her in a dream, a bottle on my shelf
i took her out of her home every night to whisper secrets to
i charmed her with my ideas of the world, how i yearned for it to be
she consoled me like a child that lost their favourite toy
cradling me in her arms, she lulled me to sleep
deep in her being, i suspected her sadness existed, less like mine, yet just as true
similar to a war hero’s heart, stained in remorse and solemn oaths
it beat erratically, troubling me in a foreign way
i strived to comfort her too, my sweet-hearted villain
troubled by my selfishness, i dwelled on her freedom,
calculated & persuaded, i released her from her trap
she crawled back in, like a spider across a cobweb
you are my home now, she smiled and teased and giggled
at night she shook me to wake, as insistent as a midnight tide
we lay awaiting a storm that never came, a sun that never rose
day by day, we walked by the river, captivated by its glowing red allure
stealing looks at the spirits chanting above, pondering our hollow existence
what’s the point? i’d ask
i can’t say, she’d reply
she never left my side, i hushed her at bars,
scolded her dinner manners, rolled my eyes at her advice
i begged her words to subside, retreat from my captivity
i longed for a winter of silence, christmas lights and blizzard nights
hide-and-seek became our refuge from each other
under the white blanket, i rested, waiting for my face to crystallise
but the ice never flourished, like the river, forever flowing towards nothing
now and again, death wallowed in my gloomy eyes and downward spine
holding my hand, she swung it like a pendulum
braiding my hair, she complimented my curls
joking she would steal my hair to wear under her thorny crown
glaring at her in the night, i stewed at the thought of her rotting
damned for one destiny, i wished for her to suffer at my hands,
to torture her until she swore to never return,
until she surrendered her crusade
one particularly dreadful day,
death looked at me, sombre and teary-eyed
she mumbled through her regrets
short-breathed and weary, like an exiled traveller
agonising over each word, as shaky as a candle flame
confessing
you chose me and i chose god,
now,
we frozen and hateful, despise the world together
and i, grateful for you, can only hope for your embrace
i closed my eyes and jumped into her river