The Difference Between Being Childfree and Being Childless
October 17, 2022
This morning was awesome. It is Clergy Appreciation Month and Bosses Day and my office catered a nice breakfast after our morning meeting. The food was wonderful and my office staff even bought me a bracelet with a Bible verse on it. I was throughly surprised that my office would consider me in that way and I was awesomely thankful. My colleagues and I met in a conference room that is shared with another agency that is next to my job’s office. They recently had a coworker’s baby shower and left a big, blue banner on the wall that read, “It’s A Boy!”. No one said anything about it and everyone ignored it except for that one coworker that is found on every job that wants to make a joke out of everything. I was still eating and most of my other coworkers left when this coworker walks up to me and says, “Hey! Is that sign up there for you? He he ha ha! You’re having a boy”? I didn’t even look up from my plate of food and I just asked him what he meant by that comment. He just tried to laugh it off and say that since that banner was still hanging on the wall that it must be there because of me. Yeah, okay. That’s not funny at all. I never looked up at him and he eventually went away. Two of my coworkers heard the exchange and were disgusted by it. Both of these coworkers were disgusted because they know that I am childless. My guess would be that my insensitive coworker who initiated this exchange perceives me to be childfree. There is a difference.
Being childless means that an individual, whether single or married desires children, but for whatever reason, be it infertility or life circumstances, does not have any children. Someone who is childfree does not desire to have children for their own reasons which vary from person to person. I am childless. The overreaching desire of my life is to be a wife and a mother. It’s a awesome sore spot for me to have not attained either marriage or motherhood at my age. I have or am experiencing what is called circumstantial infertility. That means that I am physically able to conceive and give birth, but life choices and circumstances have hindered me from achieving motherhood. In my case, I always wanted to be married before having children. I have had boyfriends; a few of which I thought I would marry, but it never worked out. I have had people tell me to just have a child with someone regardless if I loved them or not, because not many people get married and then stay married. For the most part, except for a brief time of considering sperm donors, I have held out for Mr. Right, but he never came along. And it hurts bad sometimes.
I never speak about this in public and I am, generally, a happy person because, well, I should be. I have a good job, a dependable car, an out this world BFF, a nice, young man who is trying to pursue me, both of my parents are alive, and I have an awesome network of numerous family members and friends. Truly, I am blessed and I gather that some would think that I am childfree because of my career, accomplishments, and independence. However, they are mistaken because I would definitely prefer to be changing diapers, hauling kids to soccer practice, or any other impossible feat that these magical creatures called “mothers” get to accomplish in varying circumstances. I want to have children and it pains me that my chance of having that is narrowing if I haven’t already missed it.
Also, there is nothing wrong with desiring to be childfree. It is a choice that should be respected. Some people have other desires that they long to pursue and sometimes raising a family is a hindrance to that. Again, there are various reasons for coming to that decision. There is nothing wrong with weighing out the options and electing to forgo parenthood. However, no one should be mocked or ridiculed for being childfree or childless.
I would hope that there would be a certain measure of sensitivity for women like me who are childless. I am enduring being childless, not enjoying it. I’m unmarried because I have dated the wrong people for years and I have had a trail of broken promises. I wish that I was married and could try for pregnancy, but I’m not and I can’t. It may be 2022, but some people don’t take kindly to clergy members having children out of wedlock. So, for me, I am fervently praying and waiting on the Lord to bless me with an amazing man to be my husband and that we would produce children thereafter. In the meantime, I intend to ignore the insensitivity and hope for the best.