nurturing apathy-
Jack Varnell
"it is easier to lose yourself in drugs than to live life,
to steal than to want, to beat a child than to raise one. It is easier to be apathetic. Life and Love is too hard."
i heard or read this quote somewhere once upon a time and it struck me as profound. i have lived, and still live most of the components of it. i have been lost in drugs, lost in life. i've stolen, and wanted. i've never beaten a child, nor been given the blessing of raising one. Life, and Love have been hard.
where i take issue is with apathy. there is nothing easy about wandering aimlessly through your own life. aimless not from a lack of goals, desires, or even a warm regard and compassion for others. aimless in the way an auto accident victim might wander away from-or throughout the scene of the accident. In shock and awe,- aware, -yet unaware of the minutae which may have led to the crash. there is a full knowledge that all intentions were right, and all safety precautions were taken prior to taking that drive.
Ultimately it comes to the inevitable question-" why?" It isn't always "why me"-often it's more like "why did this happen at all". It is intense introspection, analysis to the point of obsession. Blaming others,circumstances,or the fates never seem to arrive at any acceptable conclusions, giving rise to the apathy. That "why bother-and who really cares anyway?" feeling. If goals, effort, good intent, hope, and a willingness to learn and grow from mistakes don't effect real and lasting change. If walking away from, or towards the light seems the same, couldn't i just as easily float through my time here by taking my ball, going home, and refusing to play?
I suppose so. If had a home.
Most days- i live a life of nurturing apathy..it holds a double meaning. my life nurtures apathy- and that apathy feels familiar. so familiar now, it nurtures me.
@emotionalorphan 2006
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