November 11, 2023
The day I received it, I put it at the top of my closet. It's not that I didn't like it really, it was just kind of cheap -- the print was only on one side and the colors didn't match the vibe in my room. I mean, it was well suited to me. It was a graphic of a colorful bookcase & I do love my books and my bookcases. It was sweet because Mom saw it on Instagram & knew it would be perfect for me. It was, I'm pretty confident in saying, the only thing she ever purchased from social media. But, there would be many other gifts that I liked better and she'd never know the difference.
I don't splurge on myself much, but she did. I love purses and she regularly bought them for me. The last one she sent was a Kate Spade in the perfect shade of green. She sent it Christmas 2021 and I've used ever since. It's a great color, a great shape and has held up so well. I get compliments on it all the time and I take pride in saying, "It was gift from my Mom".
Now, she is gone and the blanket stays out in my room and I use it every night as I watch TV. Afterall, SHE gave it to me! She saw it, thought of me, found her purse and entered her credit card number so I could have this throw that made her think of me. I wrap up in it and know that She thought of me.
Conversely, I've put the purse away. It is the last purse she will ever buy for me and I want to save it for special occasions. I want it to last forever. I want to be able to say for years, "It was a gift from my Mom".
I just spent a week cleaning out her things and I didn't bring home much. It was the little things, the everyday objects that I felt drawn to. Now, I keep her cell phone by my chair so I can see what her socials are doing and feel close to her. I put her MS driver's license in my phone case. I don't know why it is these small, every day items that mean so much. Maybe BECAUSE they are so personal.
Of course, if you know me and how cheap I am you won't be surprised to learn that I brought home tons of consumables -- that stuff is expensive, no reason for it to go to waste! Bottles of ibuprofen and a whole box of supplements were shoved in the back of the CR-V. She would do the same and I know she was glad I took it!
It's strange how much my relationship has changed to all the objects that are related to her. I never paid much attention because the gifts, the little pieces of her life would never end. Now, I know that is not true - they will only live on as long as I hold them dear.