Is your complicated love story that you met the right person at the wrong time, or you met the wrong person at the right time? Maybe your hearts desire is to attract a partner with the qualities of a Denzel or Michele Obama, but all you're attracting is Bubba and Laquana (disclaimer: if your name is Bubba or Laquana and you're reading this, I mean no disrespect. I just made up the names off the top of my head...I am sure you're a great catch). Now with that being said, having these type of love experiences can leave you confused and wondering, why can't my love GPS get it right, instead of rerouting all the time because of emotional misdirection.
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Nothing stops your relationship intentions and goals like a big giant boulder refusing to get out of the way than a wrong choice. If you've made a wrong choice no matter how much time, effort, energy and creativity you invest towards the progression of the relationship it will go nowhere. Even if you think it's moving, the only movement it will take you is in circles until you're emotionally spent. And as many of us have figured out through experience that being a good person, with the greatest and sincerest intentions does not safe guard you from choosing the wrong person.
Thus, the all important question is what is causing me to make the wrong choices; choices that are not beneficial to my growth and existence. How can I amp up my relationship wifi, emotional connectivity, so much that it can easily detect, lessen the distraction and disconnection that making a wrong choice brings on my path towards long lasting love? Those are great questions! And the answer is simpler than you think. Just turn down the volume of the outside noise, peel back the layers and kindly pay attention to yourself. Did you notice that I put the word kindly in bold and underlined it too, all to bring your attention at a halt to the word. My reasoning for this is because while it is important to pay attention to yourself and most people pay some kind of attention to themselves within a day. I want to focus on from what point of view and how we pay attention to ourselves because that is what renders the attentiveness effective or ineffective.
Many people pay attention to themselves with the attachment of belief systems formed by outside factors that guide their processes. Additionally, more times than necessary when we pay attention to ourselves we are not kind. We are critical, judgmental, doubtful, defensive about our actions and conditionally accept ourselves. How many times in a day are you critical of the way you look, speak, do something, or how you interact with someone, etc.? How many times in that same day do you second guess yourself, are doubtful about exploring new relationship ideals and become defensive about the very thought of being vulnerable in the process? Instead of paying attention to ourselves from a space of true awareness we fall into the habit of questioning ourselves. And what grows within and governs this process of daily questioning is the belief of conditional acceptance. This type of questioning does not cultivate self-love and self-value, the two essential qualities that aid in developing healthy relationships.
In order to choose wisely the person who will enhance and harmonize with your life. You must be your authentic self. And you can't find out who that is by dealing with yourself unkindly, or approaching a relationship based on adherence to external belief systems that weren't formed, or at least authentically embraced and truly believed by you.
Mark Twain once said, "kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see." I love this quote because it denotes that kindness is a universal language that transcends inability on all planes, so the power of a kind action can be felt by any and everyone no matter the circumstance. I have spoken to people who have said that they chose the wrong people to be with because the people they chose were not honest and misrepresented themselves. Sometimes we get caught up in the illusions of a false relationship because we are paying attention to what we feel are the more complex issues instead of being attentive to simply the kindness within the relationship. If we have formed an habitual relationship of questioning ourselves instead of paying attention with kindness. Then that is the approach, action, and pattern thinking that will eventually follow suit in the relationships that we acquire. There are 2 simple introspective questions you can ask yourself before making every relationship choice. Is this person being kind to me? Am I being kind to myself to realize it? The nature of kindness becomes readily familiar to you; you are more keen, attentive and receptive to the genuine kindness of another, when you develop the important habit of being kind to yourself.
Shakespeare said it best, ''this above all: to thine own self be true." The most effective way to be kind to yourself is to be yourself, and you do this by paying attention to your true self. You do that by peeling back the layers and identifying the belief systems that aren't working for you. The beliefs that you took on just because you were exposed to them, not because you truly connected with and believed in them for yourself. When you are kindly attentive to your true self you will not involuntary offer to another a false version of yourself, nor will you accept, tolerate a false man, or woman in your life. Within there is unlimited potential, possibility, thorough understanding and excellence in each aspect of life. Including the vital and layered area of intimate relationships. But you have to practice being kind in speaking to, and focusing on your belief in those areas, in each moment, with every choice. Then you will experience transformation and efficiency in that area. When you are kind to yourself not only is the feeling undeniable but so is the clarity it brings. And you will undoubtedly make relationship choices that allow your emotional GPS to stay on course by connecting with people who increase and add to your life with their kindness. When you are kind to yourself you can attract and choose your one of a kind person, that will give you a one of a kind type of love experience.