i didn't plan the silence. it found me.
the signal up here is more suggestion than service. slow internet. the kind where you watch a video buffer for four minutes and then give up and just sit with your thoughts — which is either torture or enlightenment depending on the day.
the first week i thought something was wrong with me. i kept picking up my phone and putting it down. not because i was disciplined. because there was nothing loading.
the second week i started noticing things.
the exact hour the light changes over the hills. what the Prince does when he thinks no one is watching — mostly dig in things and talk to himself. the way the yard sounds at different times of day. the silence that isn't actually silence once you stop trying to fill it.
but here's what surprised me most: the feelings didn't go away. they just had nowhere to hide. i sat with boredom until it turned into an idea. i sat with a hard morning until it turned into a page. i noticed how loud my own house is when i'm not filling it with someone else's voice.
it was uncomfortable in a way that told me exactly how dependent i'd let myself become on constant noise.
people pay thousands to go to digital wellness retreats for this. they use app timers and phone fasting and put their devices in hotel safes.
the slow internet just did it for me.
now i keep pieces of that disconnection on purpose. not because scrolling is evil, but because i like who i am when i'm not doing it. i exhale more. i anchor faster. i hear myself again.
if your nervous system has been begging for a break you keep talking yourself out of — this is your permission slip. it's not about the phone. it's about what you finally get to hear once it's down.
Rooted in Rest is the book for exactly this. not a productivity book. the presence of self. it's available for pre-order now!
Talk Soon,
Santana Chevel 🌹