i didn't know i was capable of moving that fast until i had a reason bigger than fear.
before he was even born i was already rearranging my whole life around a person i hadn't met yet. i changed how i slept. i changed what i ate. i changed the way i spoke to myself in the mirror, because i knew he'd be listening one day, even if he couldn't hear me yet. i gave up things i thought i needed and found out i didn't. i moved my body, my money, my whole nervous system to make room for him before he ever took a breath.
people talk about sacrifice like it's a loss. it wasn't. it was a decision. there's a difference between shrinking for someone and rearranging your life on purpose because you've decided who you're becoming. i wasn't disappearing into mamahood. i was building the version of me that could hold him.
i think about that version of myself sometimes — the one who was terrified and still moved anyway. she didn't wait to feel ready. she just kept deciding, one day at a time, that she'd figure out the rest as she went. and she did. i still am.
if you're in the part of the story where you're rearranging everything for someone who hasn't arrived yet — a child, a version of yourself, a life you can feel coming — you're not behind. you're building the room.
Before The Prince holds the rest of it — the fear, the rearranging, the becoming, all of it. if this found you today, i think you're ready for the whole story.
Talk Soon,
Santana Chevel 🌹