This one will be short - I am legitimately having a very hard time meeting my bills lately, and it is because I have lost a couple of jobs.
Maybe it is because God wants me to do something else other than work for someone, anyone else.
Which, okay, I get it - Vegas is hiring but not hiring.
The work that I do is for those like me who have survived domestic violence.
I get told all the time that I ought to go find help with an organization, but the people who say that stuff haven't ever had to deal with not only one's marriage partner, but also the men who followed - and please...save the stuff about my relatives because they are part of this madness too. I guess I ought to have thought better about them, specifically.
I HATE ASKING FOR HELP, but that is a bi-product of having been abused in marriage. It truly does impact a person for a long, LONG time after the fact. We also need to add my own blood relatives to the mix, who were the people who made certain that I knew that it was MY fault that this man crashed my life, and that of my children, and my fault, because apparently I am stupid (according to my dad's sister - a therapist, no less...) and that everything that I encountered was due to MY NOT FIGHTING BACK.
Oh, really?
People actually believe that the reason that I can "fight like a man" is because I grew up primarily with boys who were a lot bigger than me.
Maybe that had something to do with it
I like thinking that it was because the one relationship that was supposed to be the one that kept me safe and happy was the one that made me second guess myself. I still do this to this day.
SO, yeah - I need some actual help. I cannot psychologically sustain more losses, and I am not about to fall into the "it is the economy" stuff again, not when I have been through this again and again.
Feel free to share my words. That is why I wrote this.
I am tired, to be sure, and I just need to be able to survive (it is all I know..but I would love to know different, really).
Venmo = @Roxanne-Cottell
Cashapp = $manawahinehula
PayPal = @LAKahuRox22