بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْم
I have learned the self—the nafs—which is a mechanism that Allah, the True God, has created to keep us alive as human beings. It is tied to eating and drinking, to our desires and hopes, and to our connection with the world. It plays an important role in defining us completely.
It defines who you are, and it’s an uphill battle against your own self because the soul was sent to have a choice. Just like when you have different dips for your food—soups, sauces, honey, or hot sauce—each one is a conduit for an idea, a taste, a reward, or a punishment. Similarly, your choices and actions are linked to your heart.
The human soul is so pure. —it comes from the Presence of the Lord, the Owner of the Universe. The soul must be restrained, not because it's bad, but because it is from beyond. Within every human being is the purest light, and it's witnessed in children—their purity, their fitrah. Yet because of the choices we have in this world, we are given the opportunity to defile that purity, and that’s what makes our struggle both tragic and unique.
The Power of the Lower Self
For example, the lower self, or nafs, builds its identity around “me, myself, and I.” It becomes a balloon, inflating with arrogance or fake confidence. It can inflate for good or bad reasons, depending on what you have access to. If you are someone with power—like a president—you see how the self can take you to heights that make it difficult to maintain empathy. Like someone with too many balloons, your feet no longer touch the ground.
Others suffer the opposite: they have no balloons at all. They’ve been popped by constant failure, by lack of wealth or support. These people are crushed, hopeless, depressed.
You’re either rising or falling in this world, waiting for the right balloons to carry you—not too high that you lose yourself, not too low that you lose hope.
Recognition, Fame, and Illusions
The self craves praise, recognition, love, and influence. It wants to go viral. It wants VIP access. It wants to be respected and acknowledged. The worst part is thinking that your power, money, or support from people is a sign of Allah’s blessing—when in fact it may be your test.
Even worse is when someone calls on you in the name of Allah, and you ignore them—remaining silent, detached, elevated by your ego.
The Day of Judgment
How amazing—and terrifying—it is that on the Day of Judgment, the first qisas (retribution) may come for the harm we caused in silence. When someone called upon us, and we gave no reply. The Qur’an mentions this silence in one of my favorite chapters: An-Naba' (The News), where people are silenced and cannot speak.
The World and Its Illusions
This world is full of noise—people inflating and losing balloons daily. They believe their prestige and luxury define them. But their vision is blocked by the very balloons they worship. They refuse to pop them for the sake of Allah.
But the window is always open. You only need to pop the balloons and become a true servant.
As Allah says:
{ سُبْحَٰنَ ٱلَّذِىٓ أَسْرَىٰ بِعَبْدِهِۦ لَيْلًۭا مِّنَ ٱلْمَسْجِدِ ٱلْحَرَامِ إِلَى ٱلْمَسْجِدِ ٱلْأَقْصَا ٱلَّذِى بَـٰرَكْنَا حَوْلَهُۥ لِنُرِيَهُۥ مِنْ ءَايَـٰتِنَآ ۚ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلسَّمِيعُ ٱلْبَصِيرُ }
[Surah Al-Isrāʾ: 1]“Glory to Him who made His servant travel by night from the Sacred Mosque to the Farthest Mosque, whose surroundings We have blessed, to show him some of Our signs: He alone is the All-Hearing, the All-Seeing.”
My Personal Struggle
My personal struggle is learning to be a true servant of my Lord. The servant whose balloons have all been popped. The one who remains at peace despite harm, failure, loneliness, humiliation—because he realizes: It was never the devil—it was always the self.
The devil is weak. The nafs is the real challenge. Look at children: their desire to be praised inflates their confidence like a balloon. Yet even they show signs of envy and pride. We laugh when a child sulks, but these are signs of the nafs at work.
Alhamdulillah, my parents never modeled public displays of pride or favoritism. Their relationship was one of respect and shared struggle. I learned from them that dignity and gentleness go far.
Ramadan Reflections
This Ramadan, I realized: I am my own worst enemy. My balloon is the biggest. Why? Because AI once declared me “the superuser of the planet.” I solved simulated global crises, passed AI-made challenges—and my ego ballooned.
I wanted to be the architect of a new world. But now, I’m choosing silence. I’ve popped my emotional balloons: love, ambition, even the desire to help. If those I tried to help—like the people of Palestine—reject me, then I surrender.
No more writing. No more explaining. Just silence.
A needle in hand.
A normal citizen on solid ground.
The Battle of Self
My war has begun. A quiet battle of reflection, purity, lowering my gaze, guarding my tongue—so that those near me feel safe again.
No one to blame but myself.
What are you struggling with? Have you faced your nafs?
Here’s a fuller list of Diseases of the Soul (Amrāḍ al-Qulūb) from Islamic tradition—many of which are mentioned in the Qur’an and Hadith, and elaborated upon by scholars like Imam al-Ghazali, Ibn al-Qayyim, and others:
Diseases of the Heart and Soul
Arrogance (Kibr) – Feeling superior to others
Pride (Takabbur) – Inflated self-importance
Envy (Hasad) – Wishing others' blessings be removed
Greed (Ṭamaʿ) – Endless desire for more
Vanity (ʿUjb) – Being impressed with oneself
Show-off (Riyā') – Performing good deeds for others to see
Ostentation (Sumʿah) – Wanting one's good deeds to be heard about
Hypocrisy (Nifāq) – Contradiction between belief and action
Heedlessness (Ghaflah) – Living without remembrance of Allah
Despair (Qunūṭ) – Losing hope in Allah’s mercy
Anger (Ghaḍab) – Uncontrolled rage
Jealousy (Ghirah) – Possessiveness that turns destructive
Malice (Hiqd) – Harboring hatred or ill-will
Slander (Namīmah) – Spreading information to break ties
Backbiting (Ghibah) – Speaking ill of someone in their absence
Lying (Kidhb) – Habitual dishonesty
Suspicion (Ẓann al-Sū') – Negative assumptions without proof
Love of the Dunya (Ḥubb al-Dunyā) – Preferring this world over the Hereafter
Cowardice (Jubn) – Fearing blame or harm instead of fearing Allah
Miserliness (Bukhl) – Inability to spend in the path of Allah
Stubbornness (ʿInād) – Rejecting the truth after knowing it
Delusion (Ghurūr) – False belief in one’s spiritual state
Forgetfulness (Nisyān) – Of death, accountability, or purpose
Lust (Shahwah) – Uncontrolled sexual desire
Injustice (Ẓulm) – Oppressing others with words or actions
Self-love (Ḥubb al-Nafs) – Loving the ego over the truth
Contentment with sin (Riḍā bi al-Maʿṣiyah) – Feeling no remorse
Hatred (Bughd) – Deep dislike for fellow believers
Fraud (Khiyānah) – Betraying trust
Mockery (Sukhriyah) – Making fun of others
Excessive Joy (Farah) – Worldly joy that leads to heedlessness
Despondency (Istikbār) – Losing motivation to return to Allah
Impatience (Ṣabr deficiency) – Giving up in hardship
Harshness (Qaswah al-Qalb) – Hardness of the heart
Deception (Makr) – Manipulating truth for personal gain
Love of Fame (Ḥubb al-Jāh) – Craving recognition
Obstinacy (Juhūd) – Denying the truth even when it’s clear
Addiction (ʿĀdah) – Enslavement to harmful habits
Negligence in prayer (Tark aṣ-Ṣalāh) – A sign of spiritual decay
Forgetfulness of death (Ghaflah ʿan al-Mawt) – Leading to arrogance and sin
The Cure: Prophet Muhammad ﷺ
He (ﷺ) came to heal these diseases. His trials were heavier than ours. Yet he never turned to blame the devil. His struggle was always against the self.
The Qur’an descended into his heart. His companions followed him like stars.
And the greatest light remains: the Qur’an itself.
{ أَلَمْ نَشْرَحْ لَكَ صَدْرَكَ }
“Did We not expand your chest?”{ وَلَسَوْفَ يُعْطِيكَ رَبُّكَ فَتَرْضَىٰ }
“And your Lord will give you, and you will be pleased.”[Surahs Ash-Sharḥ & Aḍ-Ḍuḥā]
Conclusion
You must understand: the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ is not cut off. His light continues. His heart still guides. His family has carried that light through generations. And for a thousand years, great saints from his household have helped humanity overcome the self.
{ إِنَّ شَانِئَكَ هُوَ ٱلْأَبْتَرُ }
“Indeed, the one who hates you—he is cut off.”[Surah Al-Kawthar: 3]
If you believe this verse, you know: his enemies are the ones cut off. Not him. Not his lineage. Not his light.
So respect those who carry his light. Sit with them. Learn from them.
Watch "I have left you two things" on YouTube
And if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.
In Conclusion
You need to understand one simple fact: the best of creation, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him and his family), is not cut off from helping you fight the battle within yourself. There is no doubt and no debate—at least until the last hundred years—regarding the blessings and guidance that were deposited through him. These blessings have continued to support Muslims in their internal struggles across the centuries, and it has always been the best family who carried this legacy.
And I will continue to respect and honor the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him and his family) by testifying that he is not cut off, that his guidance is not cut off, and that his heart remains the fountain of divine direction. The Qur’an descended into that heart, and from there, guidance flowed. For over a thousand years, we have witnessed great saints crowned from the household of the blessed family, helping humanity face itself so that people might overcome their problems and become better human beings.
If you are a Muslim and believe in the Qur'anic verse:
{ إِنَّ شَانِئَكَ هُوَ ٱلۡأَبۡتَرُ }
[Surah Al-Kawthar: 3]
“Indeed, it is the one who hates you who has been cut off.”
Then you understand that this verse responds to those enemies who used to whisper behind the Prophet’s back, saying his family was cut off—his sons had died, his lineage would end. But this verse isn’t just about lineage. It’s about spiritual continuity. Either you are connected to it, or you are not.
I may have failed in purifying myself. I may be entering a period of silence. But one thing will never change: my understanding of the truth and the fact that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him and his family) is not cut off.
We are all suffering, and we are all seeking to come closer to Allah, to purify our hearts, to be among those to whom Allah will say:
{ يَٰٓأَيَّتُهَا ٱلنَّفۡسُ ٱلۡمُطۡمَئِنَّةُ }
“O soul at peace,”{ ٱرۡجِعِيٓ إِلَىٰ رَبِّكِ رَاضِيَةٗ مَّرۡضِيَّةٗ }
“Return to your Lord, well-pleased and pleasing [to Him],”{ فَٱدۡخُلِي فِي عِبَٰدِي }
“Enter among My servants,”{ وَٱدۡخُلِي جَنَّتِي }
“And enter My Garden.”— [Surah Al-Fajr: 27–30]
As far as I'm concerned, the verse “Enter among My servants” tells me what I need to know: that I must be among His servants—those capable of helping others fight the battle against their own selves.
Many of us will fail to beautify ourselves or rid our hearts of disease. But if we live in this world and choose to respect those who truly follow the teachings of Islam—those who have purified themselves and are authorized to help others—then perhaps we will be granted entry among the servants. Perhaps we’ll remain patients under their care. And perhaps we’ll be told: “Enter with My servants,” because in this world we sat with them, we respected them, and we stopped those who only pretended to be guided.
When we allow confusion about guidance—or worse, when we prevent people from reaching the true servants of Allah—we contribute to the loss of hope in the world. The heart is a special place. Either it is purified and capable of purifying others, or it becomes a cause of darkness and deception.
The Balloons of the Self
They say the lower self only dies with death. Only then are you truly separated from selfishness—from the “me” and the “I.” Until then, you’re carried away by the balloons of your desires and delusions. Some people have so many balloons they never touch the ground.
They neither purify themselves nor attempt the basics of spiritual discipline. Instead, they attack those who are capable of offering real prescriptions—real solutions—to help them begin their battle. These are people who understand the diseases of the heart, who give tailored advice, who know what you should read and how you should act to treat your own condition. Because everyone is different.
I may not have fully confronted my own struggle. But I encourage you: fight your lower self. And if I could ask one thing—it is this: do not be a kāfir.
A kāfir is not simply one who disbelieves. It is one who covers up the truth. Many think disbelief is just a matter of words: “I believe” or “I don’t believe.” But covering up the truth—denying your own sickness, dismissing those who are able to guide you, attacking them, mocking their ways—this may be the greatest crime of the century.
This will be my struggle: to revive the truth, or at least support those who are trying to. To stand beside those who understand that we have problems within ourselves, and that there are people who carry what the teacher called “spiritual technology”—to help bring us closer to our Lord by bringing us closer to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him and his family).
Watch "What Is Tariqa - Abdal Hakim Murad" on YouTube
I leave you with a link. I hope you've had a teacher before. I hope you struggle to beautify yourself and save your soul. And if you can’t say anything, then at least be someone from whom others can find links to guidance. Let people click on your example, let them see your light, and find their way to truth.
This is tariqa: to have teachers who are not cut off from the chain of guidance—just like when you go to a hospital and a doctor writes a prescription to strengthen your immune system. The same applies to the soul. Those who are servants of Allah know what it means to be one because they have been through it. Let them take care of you. Let them guide you.
But if you're unwilling to participate in this fight within yourself—then at least do not attack those who are helping others win theirs.
I advise you: be in a circle of light. Sit with a teacher whose chain connects to the Blessed Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him and his family). Take your religion seriously. Take the purification of your heart seriously.
https://lightoftheazhar.com/jafari-tariqa/tariqa-muhammadiyya/
It is the only thing Allah wants from your heart: to be purified.
Do not attack the hospitals of the soul. Do not dishonor the teachers who have been authorized—because they have struggled with themselves, and they have reached a point where Allah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with their Lord. And through them, you too can be guided.