When I received my Karate black belt in October of 2016, I needed to write an essay for it. The belt was a surprise at a large fall camp, so this was written after. I'm still grateful for all the training, everything I learned, and the path it took me. Nothing happens by coincidence, it all happens because it's supposed to. I found a snippet of a very genuine expression of how Chinese Medicine changed my life from 8.5 years ago, how martial arts molded my mindset, and how I cannot/will not ever stop. Please read and hopefully you can take something from it. <3
"Always Happy, Never Satisfied" - Written by Kristopher O'Connell
"Always happy, never satisfied," may be the easiest way for me to sum up becoming a black belt. Even this essay has been rewritten almost 10 times and I'm still not satisfied with it...and a tiny piece of me is really pissed off about it. Over the years that I've been inside the walls of the dojo, there have been thousands of lessons. It's near impossible to even put to paper everything that I've learned since I started training in martial arts. One thing that I do know is that each lesson learned, the easy way or the hard way, has made me a better person and a better martial artist.
Pre-Karate Kris wasn't a terrible person, but he was certainly ignorant. He never had bad intentions, but he was totally clueless – he lacked respect, discipline, and perseverance just to name a few. He wanted to be successful and happy, but had no clue what to do or how to get himself there. Formal education had failed him, his parents (great people) couldn’t always offer a lot of guidance, and he lacked the confidence to fix it. He needed more knowledge and a path – he needed an education in Okinawan Karate from a great teacher. Low and behold, this is just what was offering at the school.
I always had an appreciation for martial arts, but I guess I never knew where to find it besides the TV. True karate was not around when I was growing up. There were a couple years spent in a McDojo, but those don't count. If anything, they were detrimental and pushed me further from traditional martial arts. I never said never, but I was very reluctant to just learn from just anyone. Once again, I'm lucky to have found a teacher who cared enough to show me the real art and to never give up on me.
American Top Team BJJ got me through the door. Through my late teens and early 20's I became fascinated by MMA. ATT was a successful organization so I knew instantly I could trust this school and it's teachers. After spending my first hour on the mats with an ear to ear smile, I knew I had finally found my path; martial arts.
BJJ helped me gravitate towards the teachings of this academy, kickboxing opened my eyes to the joy of striking, but Karate was an education, a culture, a way of life, a mindset.
The white belt days were fun. There were few expectations of you and everything was new. Each day I had no idea what I was doing and I loved it. Just getting my hands to work together while I stepped forward or backward was considered a victory for me. Remembering a certain pattern that I had worked on for a few days in a row made me feel so accomplished. Sitting in a stance and staying in it until we were told to come up was a win. I had lots of smiles, laughs and they were mostly directed at my own incompetence.
But eventually, the luster wore off. I needed to coordinate my hands with the rest of my body more efficiently. The pattern that I had worked so hard to memorize had to be done over and over with more details added each time. Those stances that I sat in had to be deeper and more structurally correct. It wasn't as fun as before. There was less excitement to get to class. I was laughing far less. Wait a minute, it was becoming WORK! Quite honestly, I had always shied away from work, or at least tried to be as "efficient" as possible. I'd try to get things done as quickly as possible so I could get back to having fun. Classes were becoming difficult, tiring, and I could have thought of a million other things I'd rather be doing than karate those days.
I was determined to become successful at martial arts. That was my ultimate goal. So no matter how achey I was, how little sleep I got, I was going to show up to all of my classes and work as hard as I could, regardless of whether I wanted to or not. I wanted to be good at fighting. I knew that if I could just continue to show up, the rest of it would follow.
Eventually, through the hard work and time put in on the mats, things started to click. The hand and body coordination came faster, the forms got sharper, and my stances got deeper. I was starting to understand how the repetition would lead to rewards. This was a new concept to me. Throughout my life, things usually came quickly to me, so when they didn't I assumed it wasn't for me. Einstein said we couldn't judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, or Kris O'Connell on his ability to do Karate...
25 years into my life, I was starting to realize what hard work could do for me in the dojo. I could just start to imagine what it could do for me OUTSIDE of the school.
With the dedication came opportunity. At almost every chance I had, I would tag along with Sensei to meet his mentors, go to seminars, and be a complete sponge. Each seminar or camp I went to, I would leave feeling even more lost. Just when you think you have a grasp on what Karate entails, its scope gets even wider. Tuite (joint locking), Kyusho-Jitsu (pressure point striking), combinations of blunt force trauma.. And each technique in our kata has all 3 and way more.
I think one of my true turning points was my first trip out to Chicago with Sensei. It was my first time learning of the Chinese influence behind martial arts and the healing arts in depth. I did not truly know much about Qigong and the "theory" behind it. The five elements seminar changed my life and how I view everything. It cemented what I had thought all my life... about life. I suppose existentially, it made sense and truly resonated with me and my beliefs.
The people that I met at Sensei Tony D'Angelo's school were some of the most relaxed, non-judgemental, and friendly human beings I have ever met. They were also "characters"... which was a relief, because for the longest time, I thought I was the weirdest person doing Karate – WRONG. But as strange as we all are, we came together to learn martial arts and leave our odd personalities outside of the class.
Yet, something was still missing. I was learning so much at a rapid rate but felt as if I had no use for it. Everytime I learn something, I have to rationalize why it's occupying space in my mind. And there it was - I had to fight. Without testing myself, I could not move further in my training. I needed to know if I had what it takes to handle an all out altercation with someone. I wanted to know that if it hits the fan, I would come out on top. I had dreamt for years about winning a mixed martial arts fight and finally having someone raise my hand saying I was the better man. The dog needed to be let off his leash.
Sensei found us a kickboxing fight, a great start for me. The training began months in advance. I was sprinting up hills with weight vests on, doing multiple rounds on mitts immediately after the hills, and sparring after that. I was no longer allowed to drink coffee (borderline inhumane!), all I ate was lean protein and vegetables, and obviously there was no alcohol in my diet either. I'd exercise when I woke up and deep stretch before bed. If this wasn't discipline, I'm not sure what is.
I took this opportunity as if I was fighting for a world championship, because to me, it was. My focus was on this fight and it was all that mattered to me. This is what I had been looking for when I first entered martial arts. I absolutely loved pushing my body and mind beyond its limits. Each night I went to bed, I felt as if I had done everything I possibly could to prepare for war. I was going to win and there was nothing stopping me. I entered that ring willing to die for a win. We came out victorious and the feeling that entered my body as my hand was raised is unexplainable. I still feel tears of happiness when I think of it. Forever will this be one of my greatest moments of my life.
We have continued to fight after this, each one offering its own lesson at the end. As different things take priority, I keep my focus on the task at hand, but all the while sharpening my blade awaiting the next battle with a smile on my face.
My position within martial arts is unique, in the sense that I was thrown to the wolves to teach sooner than I had ever expected. I had very little knowledge, but yet I was in front of others doing my best to explain techniques and the art of fighting. To teach is to learn twice... or to ask your teacher, learn it once, and then teach others (learning it the 2nd time). It led me to ask lots of questions, to dive into the art because students would seek the information through me, as if I was some sort of martial arts conduit. Teaching others on a daily basis gives you a perception of martial arts that not many others have. It's an opportunity to get a glimpse into your teacher's world, but it's also a responsibility to do everything 100% correct and pass it along.
Each day, that responsibility is reminded to me when I enter the dojo. Not only do I need to teach them correctly, but it's my job to make them smile, to make them love the martial arts path that it leads them on as I do. They'll come to improve their health – mental, physical, and even spiritual if they stick with it long enough. What they learn from us will (hopefully) spill over into their own lives and they'll become more successful and happy all around. The position I was given was a gift from my teacher and for that I am blessed. The more positive energy I spread through martial arts, the better I feel. I now have purpose, something that Pre-Karate Kris could not find, nor did he look.
I recently had a black belt strapped around my waist. There is a great deal of honor with this award. It's as if I've been let into a club where they tell you, "You finally have a slight understanding of Karate. But now you have to do something with it." I received my BMA (Bachelor's in Martial Arts), but I am committed to the post graduate program and continuing my education to my grave. There's far too much to learn to ever stop, all of it being mind-blowingly interesting. There's been far too much effort not only on my behalf, but the teachers that have passed along information to me. I have an obligation to them and to myself to continue to learn more and to pass the knowledge along to the students on the path behind me.
Honestly, I can't define what the rank of Shodan means. I just got here and I'm still getting situated. I took off my shoes and just put my belongings down. There's a lot of space to explore. Things look different and my mindset is still shifting. But one thing I know is for certain; I'm not leaving this house. I busted my ass to get in and I'm going to continue to move forward down the path I started. The expectations my teacher and I had set for myself will be met and exceeded. When the black belt was tied around my waist, I was told that I'm on the right path, but I must keep going. Just like a racecar that rounded the corner, it's time to put the pedal to the metal. Karate is a lot of things, but for me, it will always be representative of the journey that I am on. In order to keep going in the right direction, I must always remain happy, but I cannot and will not ever be satisfied.
To be continued,
Kristopher O'Connell