Humans have the propensity to turn into mathematicians in the matters of other people's business. Like they don't have their own troubles in life, and living a pristine existence. It's a curious phenomenon, this penchant for delving into the affairs of others. Perhaps it stems from an inherent desire to distract ourselves from our own challenges.
When I was a little girl, any time a neighbour would come to the house with a juicy tale to share, my aunts would immediately shut them down with "Oh, I didn't know, but I'm just very busy today. Drop by another time." And they would come to the house and shut the door. I am not saying that I have a perfect family, but if ever they would talk about issues, they keep it to themselves. To my family, it's best to keep out of other people's troubles.
Recently, an old friend requested to add me on Facebook, sent me a PM, and asked me where I am these days. To which I told her that I have decided to permanently move to Zambales, but currently in Pampanga because there's not a lot of jobs in my grandmother's hometown at this time. To which she replied that it makes sense that I would move to Pampanga because there are a lot of foreigners here, and basically insinuating that I'm here because I'm on the prowl for a foreigner. It has been a common knowledge among my friends that I have since only dated foreigners.
I felt a pang of irritation at her assumption, but I chose to brush it off with a polite response. Instead of getting into a debate about her misconceptions, I simply replied, "Actually, I moved to Pampanga for career opportunities and to experience a different culture. The presence of foreigners here is irrelevant."
She was even so forthcoming as to ask how many I am dating right now. To which I replied, should I feel flattered or insulted? I mean, that's a lot of work. Imagine how sore it would make me. How could I ever walk straight?! Ugh.
Newsflash: It doesn't happen that way just because there's a lot of foreigners here. And also, this is what I've learned about most Filipinas. To them, dating a foreigner— to put it mildly—is like a competitive sport. I don't have time for that.
It didn't matter if the foreigner is with their partners or wives; they will definitely flirt. It's as if the mere act of being with a foreigner grants them a certain level of entitlement or immunity from social norms. This behavior can be both disrespectful and hurtful.
But the reality is often far from glamorous. Many Filipinas find themselves trapped in relationships that are based more on convenience than genuine affection. It's not about finding love or building a meaningful connection; it's often seen as a way to elevate one's social status or improve their financial situation.
Of course, this isn't true for everyone, and there are plenty of Filipinas who are in happy, fulfilling relationships with foreigners. But it's important to recognize the underlying dynamics at play and to approach these relationships with caution and awareness.
Which is why I haven't gone to dates these days, and my only date has always been Christian while he was still with us. He understood that I needed a sustainable company in terms of conversation and clean fun. Although he's not my boyfriend, he made it a point that I won't feel lonely or alone. He would facetime me regularly, and travel from Alabang to Angeles just to spend a day or two with me.
So while dating a foreigner may seem like an attractive prospect to some, it's essential to approach these relationships with a critical eye and to prioritize mutual respect and consent above all else. After all, true love knows no boundaries, but it should always be built on a foundation of mutual trust and understanding, right?
Cheers!