We often assume that a close, long-term sexual relationship is where people can best understand one another and reveal their true selves without inhibition. However, this perspective overlooks the fear of loss that can accompany relationships and hinder our ability to bravely show our entire, complex selves.
Surprisingly, it is in friendship that we can finally learn about the true nature of issues like masturbation, impotence, submission, and domination, as well as ambivalence, envy, inadequacy, disloyalty, neediness, and anger in the real lives of men and women.
In most relationships, there comes a moment when we face a choice between honesty and caution. More often than not, we choose to play it safe, adhering to the expectations that brought a desirable new person into our lives. While this decision may seem reasonable, it can lead to a cascade of problems over time:E
Emotional numbness, as we suppress our true feelings and experiences.
Inauthenticity, which prevents us from forming genuine connections.
Low-level depression, a consequence of denying our true selves the chance to be understood.
While we may gain the regard of a partner, it comes at the cost of feeling real and genuinely connected. Love's true promise lies not just in being admired by someone else, but in being understood and treated with generosity and tenderness despite our complexities.