The past few months as I've talked to family and friends I've been noticing the various levels of comfort we all have when we have moments where we realize we need to talk. Weather you need to talk to a loved one because you're having a bad day or if you're feeling you need to talk with a professional to resolve issues, it can be hard to figure out how to start the conversation.
One thing we can forget is how hard it is to communicate in the first place. For many of us it can be hard to articulate our emotions and most of the time it is hard to know why we are really feeling that way. We often can easily see what our reaction to something is but knowing why that is our response can be hard to figure out. If it is difficult for us to figure that our for ourselves it is even more complicated trying to express the feelings or relate a situation to another person to help them see why we feel that way.
Despite how difficult communication can be, we cannot let that hold us back from connecting with others and wading our way through sharing our feelings even if in murky waters. If you feel like you're needing to talk to someone but it feels overwhelming, you are not alone.
A funny thing we do when it comes to asking for help is that we tend to often wait until something is bad enough that we really can't ignore it anymore. Perhaps you've waiting to see the dentist because of a sore tooth, or perhaps you waited to go to physio about a sprained ankle, or even ignored your regular physical with your GP. It is not surprising then that we also do this with our mental health.
The good news is that when it comes to our mental health it is not always a doctor that we need to see for a full analysis and it doesn't have to be a long-term commitment.
If you need to have some one-on-one conversations there are multiple options to consider.
Let's start close to home. Do you have someone in your personal life who is a good listener, who you know cares about your well being and will also hold you accountable? This might sound obvious but for many people this isn't the case. Perhaps you've lost your confidant due to changing relationships or a loved one who has passed on. It can be hard to figure out how to start that type of conversation with someone you've traditionally not connected with in that way before. Pride and shame can both get in the way of us opening up but taking the risk to be vulnerable with people we can trust will always pay off.
Another person you might consider opening up to is a coach you have a close relationship with. Be it a coach for business, personal health or sports training they are a person in your life who wants to help you achieve your goals and see you living with joy and happiness.
Family doctors are also a smart choice for someone to open up to. I see a nurse practitioner; I don't see her often but she is someone I feel safe with and whom I trust. Much like my coach, she is some whom I trust has my best interest at heart and doesn't have a personal agenda in my life choices. Doctors and nurses may also be able to offer insight from their own professional training and may also be able to offer feedback on your perspective of yourself.
Sometimes we do need to talk to a professional and it is in no way a measure of yourself or how unwell you are feeling. Most people who speak about seeing a therapist will describe the relationship as that of a guide or someone who can provide clarity on patterns of behaviour. People may start seeing a professional because of a crisis moment and often retain the relationship because in truth there is no end to our self development.
Talking to a professional can also take on a few different looks. Here in Ontario our health system has professional services that can be offered over the phone for no fee. There is a telehealth line to reach a counsellor and to make an appointment. We have times in our lives where we can't wait for someone to call us back and make an appointment.
Employee assistance programs can offer a similar service and are provided by group benefits, if you're lucky enough to have them. In both cases you might find having 2-3 conversations with a professional will give you the tools and clarity you need to create the change desired.
At other times we need an ongoing relationship and there is much work to be done. Finding the right person for this ongoing work is not always easy so going into it with realistic expectations is important for your own sake. If you are recovering from trauma or have experienced a crisis you will find that different people will provide the support needed at different stages in your recovery or management of your health. If one of those relationships comes to an end (it does happen, they end a practice or other things change) it may mean you're ready to connect with a new person to support the next level of growth.
Perhaps the real reason why opening up to talk is so painful is that we also fear our own changing identities. If we open up and talk about the change we want, we might actually have to change! That can be both exciting and scary if we let our ego weigh in and influence us negatively, we then succumb to false information.
There is no day like today to make a new choice. Find someone you trust and feel safe with, go for a walk. If you're wondering what to tell them a great place to start are the thoughts that cycle through your mind. Simply stating what you've been thinking about can be a good opening and is a smart place to start.
Listen to my interview with my sister Erica, she shares her own experiences with talking and working with professionals.