Chapter 35 - the days keep coming and they dont stop coming

The days keep coming and they dont stop coming. Day after day week after week time grinds on. I'm growing weary of the day to day week to week repedative slog. Nothing but time on my hands. I need something to happen. I have contacted everyone I should. I spend my time waiting. Waiting for news of anything happening with my case. Searching for ways to fill my time waiting. Listening to audio books. Listening to music. Looking through phone games with no desire to play anything. Doom scrolling running down my device batteries. Typing these logs. Always waiting for something to happen to further my struggle. Every day I contemplate my existance and if its worth continuing on. Every day it gets ever so slightly harder to convince myself to keep going on. I imagine I'm always just one bad day from giving up. I had hope in something but that was killed recently. I did things I deeply regret but I had hope to make ammends. But those ties have been cut, the hope killed. Letting go is hard. But this is a hell of my own making. I drove them away with my actions. I will never forget them. I can only hope now that they wont forget me. But I doubt that. the days are getting brighter by my outlook is dark. There isnt a light at the end of this tunnel. At least not one I can see. One more week till May. I can make it to the end of the month. I hope there is good news in May.