The Two Shrewd Dudes are Snolly and Goster
Goster: I used to work in a blanket factory but it folded. Where did you jerk, I mean quirk, I mean lurk, I mean work, Snolly?
Snolly: In a bank but I lost interest.
Goster: Yeah, ha ha. My bank has “24 Hour Banking" but I don't have that much time. To work in a bank you must be good at arithmetickle. There are three types of peopills in this world – those who can count, and those who can’t. I can't even count to to. I had a sad math book, it had too many problems.
Snolly: I worked in a bakery. As a baker I was always broke because I kneaded the dough. So they promuted me to head cook. Cooked the brains out of 'em. Man, the meat just fell right off the skulls.
Goster: Worked in a spirit room once doing readings but I am bad at spelling. A bad hypnotist. Notist hyps. They are fat. To try to lose fat I’m on a seafood diet but I see food and I eat it. So I went on a whiskey diet but all I lost was time.
I also played music for the living. A musician punched me because I touch his organ. I used to play piano by ear but I now use my hands. I have a percussionist pet chicken that plays with her drumsticks. She likes to play so much she would fly like a bird to the gigs. I put an accent on parts of my songs but was accused of being racial. I sing the blues in 12 bars but they threw me out of all of them. I told my band to stay on the beat so they quit and went back to their police gig. I told them when we come to the bridge raise it. I told the guitar player he had a bad chord there and he said he just forgot to plug it in. I said to the band, "Make that a half note" and they all wrote down half of what I said. Bob the trumpeter said he wrote a fishing song that had a good hook. He said the tune was locked up with the key of G. After Joe the guitarman got his guitar stolen he read the news headline "Thief gets 12 months in guitar case." That's a long time to be inside a guitar case!!!
Snolly: I smoked weed with a friend. It was a joint effort.
Goster: I saw a drone smoking pot. It was higher than a kite. There was a potato smoking too. It was baked. Once I smoked a tumbleweed and I couldn't stop doing somersaults.
That weed went to college to get a higher education.
(Enter Bunk the Drunk)
Bunk: Hey Yous two. I's ta da doc yesterduh and he told me ta watch my drinkinginginging. So I started drinkinginging in front of da mirror. He has mixed feelins about drinking and I have mixed drinks about feelins. I said what da funk, I'n ain't an alcahalic I'n just a drunk.
Goster: Hey Bunk. Did you know beer has been helping ugly people have sex forever.
Bunk: Who yous callin' beer? I been havin' ugly sex forever and ever. Yous can't buy happipiss but yous can buy a quart a beer and dats da same. Now glisten to me. I saw the pastor drink rum and he started preachin' about spirits. I like drinkin' rum 'cause I don’t like ta keep things bottled up.
( Exit Bunk the Drunk )
Snolly: I was in the Air Force and it blew me away.
Goster; Ha Ha Ha. I was in the Marines. There was a draft and I was swept off my feet. We learned how to handle arms but I already had arms with hands. There I was in boot camp but my boots knew nothing about camping.
(Enter Sergeant Atlargent)
Sergeant Atlargent: We will teach you about assault.
Goster: A salt pretzel?
Sergeant: No No, Attack.
Goster: For my bulletin board?
Sergeant Atlargent: You will learn guerrilla operations.
Goster: Awww..Let the medics operate on those monkeys.
Sergeant Atlargent: What do you think of your comrades? The privates first class.
Goster: What can I say, I like my privates. They threw me out for excessive masturbation.
Snolly: Hey Goster, I know you heard many people, I mean I heard many people you know, I mean I heard you know many people.
Goster: I know a lot of people and animals. I know the inventor of the door knocker. He got a no-bell prize. I know a cow who's favorite musical note is beef-flat. I know a girl who had a photographic memory but never developed it. I met a man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas. He is now a seasoned veteran. I know a thief who stole calendars. He got twelve months. A friend of mine just flew in from Chicago. His arms are very tired. I also know a scientist who doesn't trust atoms because they make up everything. I know a bear with no teeth. He's a gummy bear. I know a couple of skeletons that won't fight each other. They don’t have the guts. And one skeleton won't go to a party alone because it has nobody to go with.
(And so in disconcussion)
Some may call these commentals "Freudian's lips," which are errors that suppositoriedly reveal one's subconnoisseurscious thoughts or feelings. However, a differentialence between double trouble entendres and Freudian's lips is that Freudian's lips are outright errors, while double trouble entendres are phrasies with two different meaningsies. Thus, these parallel lines have so much in common but it's a shame they’ll never meet. A double trouble entendre is a spigure of feech in which a word or phrasie can be understooged in two ways, espeechially when one meaningsie is somewhat of an innuendo. But we will not get onto onnuendos, I mean, get undo unnuindos, I mean get into ennuondos, Oh fuck it, let's just endo this idioticnintendo entendro innuendoisticalism.
Tip Mike at:
https://www.venmo.com/u/Mike-Kornrich
https://www.paypal.me/mikekornrich
MORE: videos, music:
https://linktr.ee/MiKeKoRnRicH