Deck: Messy Truth Oracles
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Past:
YOU DELETED ME
Cut Off • Digital Closure • Cold Exit
Indication of how my past relationship was, constantly on and off for many years. It was actually very difficult to get rid of him, cause if having to deal with in-person and online §ŧãĺķìñĝ. It was back and forth of blocking each other, but when I did it, he'd show up at my place later. Eventually after finding a Green Flag relationship, it did take me awhile to recover enough and just keep him blocked. Since I moved far, he was only able to online śťąļƙ me, and what I had to recover from, was that he always made new profile just to contact me, all the time when I blocked his main accounts. He even got to the point of making a new email to either send me 1¢ ($0.01) with a message or just emailed me. It was a very unhealthy relationship to get out of and I was only in my 20s. So, I never thought that that kind of relationship would something I'd go through.
I shared stuff about my life with this ex, and he took advantage of that, and used against me to hurt me. He really thought that doing what he did was "normal", cause his friend group does. It wasn't until I remembered something I told him, and the stress of it being used against me, I made myself forget something about my whole upbringing. He eventually told me again, and I ended up remembering it, and after that I was able to block him without feeling bad or guilty about it, and I'm keeping it that way, cause ain't no way I want that behavior back in my life, especially having my current life. I'm a mom now, doesn't belong to him, so not his. He's also a very dramatic person and he has saud this, "YOU DELETED ME".
He was just a person that someone else to chase him, make him feel important. Denied me basic and common validation, "Congratulations, you graduated." I had no congratulations for when I did graduate a college course, cause a lot of people thought I would fail it, cause I'm a woman. It was a trades college course, and no one believed that I would pass it to get my Level 1 certificate for carpentry. I only one person believe me, and everyone else didn't have the words for it, and a lot had the words ready to say if I failed. That was dejecting that my classmates were caught off gaurd that we all passed, even the teacher was surprised. But hey, if your hands-on grades make up for your grade-awesome! Do it! That's the only thing that made up my grade. My paper work was just passing, but the competency of my actual work made up for it. Valid positive past achievement realization. I struggle with seeing my achievements due to this relationship. Like seeing the good, cause I was forced to see bad, the negative and hardships. No chance of realizing my graduation and passing the carpentry course. This ex gave me such a hard time throughout the whole course and I still passed it. I can only imagine how my grade would have been, if I never had to deal with him at all. Anyway, if you think your course is hard, I hope you never have to deal with a spoilt manchild (an immature male adult). I still need to heal from this, cause I still feel resentment about this whole experience for a life achievement 😅
Solution:
BLOCK & BLISS
Boundary • No Contact • Closure
I am still healing from this past relationship, and my other past relationships, too. I eventually got my closure, which wasn't an apology, it was different than an expectation of it. No apology is another form of a closure, just to say.
Since I don't feel guilty for blocking him, and my other ex (high school). It's my still boundary. Which took a long time to remember how it felt to understand that blocking is okay. I still have his number saved, just in case he makes a new account and I get notified about that, so I could block his new account on certain platforms.
Anyway, it took a while to start feeling the peace and quiet after blocking. With my other said ex, I was able to find all the main accounts of his sisters and his one ex, so they would stop checking out on my profiles. Felt nice to finally get them out of my life, too. Whole another story, but they also gave me a hard time with the relationship I'm talking about.
Future:
CONFUSED AS HƐLL (REVERSED/RX)
No Clarity • No Labels • Emotional Chaos (Rx)
I won't be confused anymore with doing this. I'll be able to have some clarity and better understanding. I'll be able to feel a bit more emotionally healed. I'll be able to identify myself and my emotions.
With this ex, I did tell him about my other ex. I ended up with both being ŧøx̌ìć towards me, and just gave a hard time in their own ways. Especially with my high school ex having others do it for him, which is sad that he took advantage of his sisters and one ex (they dated back then). I could tell his sister and his now ex girlfriend bonded over cyberbullying me, and ştälķing my profiles for him. I try to talk about this, but most people think I'm self centered when I'm just telling the truth.
I was also able to block my ex, from my 20s, and all of his friend group, too. Cause he was also using his friends to talk to me when I blocked him, too. It's insane how both are similar. Both and all their groups they had doing stuff for them, they all were telling me about How I should Feel, What I should be doing instead, they were just projecting how they (exes) felt and just pushed onto me, and that's what made me so confused about myself.
Anyway, having my boundaries set, and going no contact, for life. I am pushed to the point of needing to work on my resentment towards them, feel the anger and then forgive myself for being unable to control myself after all that. Learn from these past experiences, to be able to set the boundary better in the future.
Dealt with too many that refused to take accountability, cause my current relationship, he actually does know how to take accountability for himself. Never thought I would meet someone that actually knows how to apologize. I already understand that apologizes are about one's own behavior. With these 2 exes, they tried to apologize, and I didn't accept them, cause it had "but you" in it. My current relationship does not say "but you", never has "You" in the apology, so that's why I say it's a green flag relationship, healthy relationship.
I'll be able to figure myself out again, with being to stay No Contact. I have already been slowly understanding why my past relationships didn't work out. My ex during my 20s, online ṣţåľķəř and an in-person şťăļƙęṛ. I also connected the dots for another thing, but within a court to press charges, I don't have physical evidences to prove it, I only have indirect hearsay confessions of this, but he's also an unregistered pɛðöpĥīĺé. That f'd me up when I realzied that, and girls and women dominate my family.
Eventually, I'll be able to mention this to my whole family and it's a big family, so it'll take me time to be able for them to listen. I also dealt with a family member telling me that I am the problem child, so a lot of family took that family member's side and believed what they said, instead of taking the time to listen to what I said. It'll just take time to be able to talk with family, agian, on certain topics. Also, some family were condition to just not talk about certain stuff, so there's that, too.
Bottom of the Deck Energy:
GLOW UP TIME
Transformation • Confidence • Inner Radiance
I am just starting to talk about my experiences, and that's only when it comes up of needing to share it. I do what I can to help others see and understand why some relationships don't work out. I try my best, cause of what I've gone through and unfortunately experienced in life, with barely any support.
Like yesterday, in the early morning hours, I was able to share 3 of my exes, the 2 mentioned above, and another and 3rd ex. This 3rd ex is registered. The other 2, are not. The unregistered pɛđő from my 20s, and my high school ex is actually a ŕąpíśṭ, I don't know if he's registered or not, but a mutual friend confirmed that he still does it, cause he did the same to her in 2024. It took me years to understand what happened when I was 19, so I was too young to fully understand what no consent meant for that. I wasn't told of what made sense for me to understand it fully about that, and how to go about explaining it and get it taken seriously. He was a fresh ex at the time and just yeah. That complicates things.
It's a step towards healing with sharing one's own story, it helps you to express it, and it may help another that may be experiencing a similar experience. I also deal with a handful of individuals that don't like it when I share my side, cause more or less, it may be because they were taught to not share theirs and don't like it when someone else speaks up about their, the other reason would be seeing someone speak up about theirs and they haven't talked about theirs or they see similarities and are unready to acknowledge theirs just yet or never. The other possibility of shutting down another person's experience/story, is that it doesn't apply to them, cause they've never experienced it. They'll be lucky if they never do, but it would be a big wake up call if they do go through it, but it would probably end up with big emotions about it. They may learn the lesson or they may not learn the lesson. With my life lessons, I honestly do not wish it on others, cause they're pretty intense.
Other than my life experiences, i found that the Messy Truth Oracle deck doesn't have much information about it. I just found videos of box openings and some minor information about what they are for. I do have more self readings with this deck, and I have come to see that it definitely helpful with Shadow Work, especially towards very unhealthy, very toxic relationships to heal from.
With the back of box, on the last paragraph of the what the deck is for:
For self-reflectiong. For emotional validation. Or just to say: "I'm not crazy. That was just a lot."
Very true. I've gone through a lot of moments where I was blamed for what I was going through. That it was all my fault, and that what I think wasn't true. I was the one that got put down and put as the crazy and toxic one. I was overwhelmed and stressed about the while thing, and that was unhelpful to be understood, and unhelpful to get the proper support to get help. I was labeled as the bad one, and that was hurtful to see they were getting the sympathy and they knew it, too. It fucking sucked.
I am in a safe environment and have been able to heal enough to share what I've gone through, and actually be able to be a more organized and calmer to talk about it now. It took a while, cause I was still survival mode and for a long while, I was still using me working as an excuse to avoid fully and properly healing from it all. Up until it became unavoidable and had no choice but to work on it properly. It was time and this is the start of sharing mine online.
Step-by-step, and it's taken about 4 years for my nerves system to realize things are safe right now. Things are okay now. It's safe right now. It's safe to process and start to re-learn everything I once did before, and start to do them again, to help me. Hopefully help others by sharing mine.