There’s a certain kind of witch—the one who insists that their practice is the purest, the most real, the most authentic. They sneer at anything that gathers people together, dismissing it as an empty display, all while standing on their self-erected podium, waiting for applause. And yet, their entire practice hinges on how loudly they can proclaim what they are not.
But here’s the thing about magic: it doesn’t ask for permission. It exists in the whispers and the roars, in the grand rituals and the everyday moments. It’s in the small act of stirring power into your morning coffee, tea, or mushroom coffee supplement, in the candle flickering on your desk, in the breath you exhale when you set an intention. And trust, some people want to scream about it throwing a little toddler tantrum about what something IS or IS not and it is quite funny to me as I've lived this path my entire life. I've experienced dreaming true as well as necromancy (mediumship) since I was young and then at 10 found Witchcraft. Magic is like an Everything Bagel—layered, complex, unapologetic, and impossible to put into just one category.
Everything Bagel Seasoning: The Mundane Bits
Everything bagel seasoning is a chaotic mix that shouldn’t work together—and yet, it does. It’s bold, unbalanced, and delightful, much like the very nature of real witchcraft. Let’s break it down:
Sesame Seeds (White & Black) – Protection, prosperity, and wisdom.
Poppy Seeds – Luck, invisibility, and breaking through illusions; can also be used to confuse, trip up, and for mental fuckery.
Caraway Seeds – Protection from negative energy and gossip but also slightly loving.
Garlic & Onion Flakes – Warding, truth-revealing, and spiritual cleansing.
Sea Salt – Purification, protection, and grounding.
It’s a blend that doesn’t apologize for what it is. Just like a good witch should never apologize for taking up space.
Everything Magic: Using the Blend in Spellwork
This seasoning isn’t just good on bagels—it’s good in witchcraft. Here are a few ways to use it:
Sprinkle it at your door to ward off energy leeches and opportunists who masquerade as allies.
Add it to a protection sachet to shield yourself from the energy of people who project their own insecurities onto you.
Use it in kitchen magic to spice up your power and remind yourself that you are multifaceted and whole.
Burn a bit of the blend (without the salt!) on charcoal for a bold and spicy banishing ritual.
Spell Bag: The 'Everything' Charm for Boundaries & Boldness
You’ll need:
A small black or red bag
A pinch of Everything Bagel seasoning
A bay leaf (for wisdom & protection)
A small piece of obsidian or carnelian
A piece of paper & red ink
Write down a single word or create a sigil that embodies your power—something that no one else gets to define for you. Fold it into the bag with the seasoning, bay leaf, and stone. Hold it to your chest and say:
By seed and salt, by fire and stone,
I stand in power, I stand alone.
No voice but mine will shape my fate,
I walk my path, I hold my weight.
Keep it with you when you need a reminder that your craft, your magic, and your presence do not require permission or validation.
Magic is Everything
Some will always try to control the narrative, to dictate who is real and who is not. But the truth is, magic is everything, everywhere, all at once. It is both loud and quiet, seen and unseen, personal and communal. It is an Everything Bagel—not meant to be picked apart, but embraced as a whole.
And if someone tries to convince you that only their way is valid? Well, take a bite, smile, and let them choke on their own seasoning.
And While you're at it! You should definitely check out BlueSky and my friend Killian's event he started called #WitchMadness. It is a great thing for those who want to participate. We're here to share with each other, converse, learn, grow, and support! No Name-Calling. No Shaming. No Childish Antics. Just Magic.
BONUS BAGEL! The ‘Fuckbagel’ Charm: A Spell in Every Bite
And if someone resorts to name-calling? Fuckbagel isn’t a dig—it’s an absolute carby delight. One that lingers on the tongue and leaves you craving more. Call it what you want, but remember—A Witch worth knowing is truly seasoned, balanced, and unforgettable. Some people? Just flavorless crumbs of stale toast.
The Empowered Witch’s Fuckbagel Spell
A magical charm disguised as a savory snack—best served with a side of unbothered energy.
You’ll Need:
A toasted everything bagel (symbolizing embracing all aspects of the craft—chaos, power, and balance)
Cream cheese or butter (representing smoothness and transformation)
A sprinkle of extra Everything Bagel seasoning (layering on protection, wisdom, and a spicy bite for those who dare to test you)
Optional: Red pepper flakes for extra fire, honey for sweetness (because even the boldest witches deserve softness)
How to Use It:
Before taking a bite, hold your bagel and say:
"I am everything. I am whole. I am not for the weak of will or the brittle of spirit. Fuckbagel, FUCKBAGEL, FUCKBAGEL!!!!!---seasoned, sacred, and satisfying!"
Cackle, eat, enjoy, and let anyone who tries to dictate your magic choke on their own bland existence.