Your brain doesn't get anxious about sex in general. It gets anxious about a specific story, and most men have never actually written theirs down.
Chapter 1 has an exercise that takes about two minutes. Name your top trigger and the threat story behind it, one sentence each. It sounds too simple to matter. I've come around to thinking that's exactly why it works.
What a trigger looks like
Triggers are usually small. A comment about time, like "it's been a while." A comparison, like "I should be able to do what I used to." A sense of being watched: "she can tell I'm nervous." A meaning attached to the outcome: "if this fails, it says something about me." Or plain uncertainty: "I have no idea what my body is going to do right now."
Your brain takes one of those cues and translates it into a story. Sometimes the story is emotional ("I'll be judged"). Sometimes it's practical ("I have to fix this now"). Either way your nervous system moves its resources toward monitoring and survival, and the physical side shows up as tension, less spontaneity, and trouble staying in the moment.
Why writing it down helps
A fear you can't describe is hard to argue with. A fear you've written as a sentence has edges. "I'll lose her respect." "I'll embarrass myself." "I won't be able to recover." Seeing it on paper, you can tell whether it's about the present moment or about something older.
It also gives you a prediction tool. Once you know your usual story, you can spot it earlier in the moment. You hear it start and think, there's the "lose her respect" one again. That small bit of distance is where the first real change tends to happen.
Try it now
Take a piece of paper, or the notes app on your phone. Write down the trigger that shows up most often. Under it, write the story your brain tells when that trigger hits. Don't polish it. If the sentence feels a little embarrassing to write, you've probably got the right one.
Keep it. The later chapters of Performance: Unlocked, especially the Green Check work in Chapter 3 and the thought tools in Chapter 6, are built to answer the exact sentence you just wrote.
Once you have your sentence, the rest of the book gives you tools aimed straight at it. Performance: Unlocked is in my Shop for $39, instant download.