Some people call it a diary.
Others call it a journal.
I call it a lifeline.
I'm a devoted fountain pen fanatic; the act of putting ink to paper is a sensuous, tactile experience—the flow of the ink from the nib, the smoothness of writing, the enjoyment of seeing color flow across the page.
I started a diary in high school, but gave it up when I reached college. I also suspected my monster was reading it, because the diary "disappeared" during our move right after I graduated.
I journaled as a part of my writing process. I would write "morning pages" (as per THE ARTIST'S WAY, by Julia Cameron) to clear my head before focusing on my manuscript.
I also journaled as my first marriage to a (suspected) covert narcissist began to unravel. I still have that collection of anxious, angry, frustrated thoughts; I keep it as a memento of the abuse I sustained.
I journaled during my second marriage (again to an abusive, unhealed man) until my then-husband found my writings. Instead of making himself a safe space for me to express my true feelings, he called me at work to confront me with what he'd read, and to berate me for being "unfair" to him.
After that, I gave up journaling for many years.
Now that I'm my monster's caregiver, I've taken it up again. My monster has (so far) respected my living space, but my past experiences have taught me to be cautious; I keep my journal hidden between many blank "decoys" in the rolling cart office supplies that serves as my night stand. In it, I detail her abuse, my frustrations, my anger, and my hopes for when I'm finally free of her. I also do really bad sketches of cats. (I'm not an artist.)
Blank pages are there to listen. They don't judge. They don't care how much or how little you write. They don't care about smudges or ink blots in the margins. They absorb emotions like a sponge, keeping record of the wrongs done to you and how you feel about them.
I advocate finding a blank journal—lined or unlined, plain or fanciful—and a writing instrument you really like, be it ballpoint, fountain pen, or pencil. And maybe something whimsical to rest them on, like these Nahvalur crab pen holders from Goldspot (https://goldspot.com), my absolute favorite vendor for writing instruments. As you can see, I am in the process of building my pen crab army. Soon, we shall take over the world. (*cue evil laughter*)
If you want to get fancy with your writing instrument, I recommend checking out independent fountain pen makers like Abigail Markov, River City Pen Company, or Rob's Pen Works (@robspenworks on IG—he has no website as of yet, but takes commissions via DM).
Above all, make the journaling experience one you enjoy. It's a tool, yes, but it's also a process, one that gets all the horrible thoughts out of your head and onto paper where they can be contained.
If you have any questions about journaling, or where and how to start, leave a comment below and I'll be happy to help.
Until next time,
Liz