I set a boundary last night.
And, of course, my monster didn't like it. Most abusers don't, because it's a sign they no longer have free reign to stomp all over you.
In my case, the boundary involved my monster chattering nonstop through our evening movie. I will usually pause the movie to let her have her say, but last night she stomped on my last nerve with hobnail boots.
We were watching a Cary Grant film neither of us had seen. And my monster, of course, could not resist monologuing about the actor with opinions she'd already shared. I'd already paused the film twice. The third time, she was speaking so loudly I couldn't even hear the TV, and I'd had enough.
I know she's lonely, that I'm her only immediate source of companionship. She refuses to go elsewhere, like the local senior center, to be in the company of others; I've always be her sole target. I understand this, but the sheer disrespect she shows me and my time is staggering. She simply assumes I'm going to cling like a limpet to every pearl of wisdom that drops from her wrinkled lips, because I have nothing better to do.
I'd already set a boundary about her racist comments. I set a similar boundary last night—when her monologue stretched into its second minute, I got up from my chair, retreated to my room, and shut and locked the door.
It took her a couple of minutes to register my absence.
A knock on my door, an attempt to enter thwarted by the lock, and then I heard, "Come back. I'll keep quiet, I promise."
Here's the thing: she keeps promising to keep her comments to herself, but never does. She can't help it; her brain-mouth filter no longer exists.
I didn't respond. Eventually, I heard her turn off the TV and leave the TV room.
I have no idea if she made herself dinner. There are plenty of things on hand she can heat up and eat: soup, sandwiches, hot dogs (her favorite).
I went without supper, because I was pissed off enough not to want to deal with her playing the victim. (And she was—she went to bed early...I could tell because there was no light showing beneath my door after 7 PM.)
Boundaries = the application of consequences to the abuser's bad behavior.
I had water from the tap, and I generally keep a stash of non-monster-approved snacks in my desk. Last night, it was half a Chuao s'mores chocolate bar. Not the most nutritious thing in the world, but I've gone without food before; it's not a big deal.
I've been considering getting a mini-fridge for my room, so I'm not limited to non-perishable snacks when I need to retreat to my own space.
If you'd like to help, either with the fridge or the snack situation, hit the "Support" button on the blog homepage.
Thank you so much for listening.
Until next time,
Liz