i am just sharing without goal, sometimes something wants to be said, most times, there is just the day to day and silence. one video does not imply “always wise” there is wisdom, simply, that outpours.
when i try to be the wise one or the one who knows, i’m hijacking that which is. there is no me here who knows this. in fact the me i thought myself to be spent a lot of time being terrified, seeing what naturally happens and being in either doubt or disgust at it, always trying to analyze why. and everyone around me does the same, so to see through that mechanism as nothing more than noise over silence frequently makes the same “me” terrified.
it’s like my head is filled with many different characters, all “me,” and the one i hear differ depending on the time and place
i have the critic
the doubter
the free spirit
the fuck it all
the worrier
a whole cast to perform a whole show all while something deeper keeps saying i don’t know do i? despite supposedly being witness to all these miraculous things being totally humbled by it all.
everywhere everyone knows. when the facade of that knowing cracks it’s quite strange because, here, you seeing things as they are and waiting for someone to confirm oh yess i see it too.
but it’s a weird thing to confirm a thing. it gives the thing that thinks it’s holding it all together something to hold. so it quickly tries to seal up any cracks with this new knowing so it can get straight back to business. but once you’ve seen, i don’t think those cracks fully seal ever again. and that sense of self is left grappling with whatever is left losing its stronghold. what doesn’t help is everywhere you turn, there are things to tell you the ways in which you can remaster control, none useful of course, but they provide a nice little ride that can suck you right back in. leading you to forget that which was once absolutely clear. until the next time…
when that crack opens just a bit deeper or splits somewhere else and here you are tail spinning trying to figure it out.
i could tell you avoid spirituality that it’s just another religion dressed up in fancy new clothes but part of the fun is to dance you know?
if you figure it out too soon, where’s the fun in that? but who says you even have to figure it out? and so our cages are mentally constructed just going round and round until we see that’s all it’s ever been and that we were only ever free, this is what it means to be.