Last week, I embarked on an introspective journey, diving deep into my understanding of judgment. I aimed to understand its purpose and functionality in my life, especially how it affected my parenting.
Judgment, I realized, comes naturally and instantaneously. As I scrolled through Facebook feeds or walked around, I found myself forming opinions and commentary within my mind, classifying things as 'good' or 'bad,' 'right' or 'wrong.' Intriguingly, I noticed this even when I was indifferent towards the subject matter.
This observation prompted me to delve deeper into my 'judgmentality,' as I call it, especially in the context of parenting. I realized that although I don't judge others' parenting styles, acknowledging that everyone has their unique path, I was judgy towards myself. This internal judgement wasn't about the outside world, but it was about me.
My judgmentality was functioning like a questioner, throwing me back to myself. It created a dichotomy of right and wrong, and I realized that it was an attempt to validate my actions. If I knew I was 'right,' I would feel content, but if I thought I was 'wrong,' I believed I needed to change.
However, this constant need for validation began to overshadow the innate wisdom that I carry within, especially concerning my parenting decisions. My judgments were not helping me but were rather creating separation between my heart and my child.
Going forward, I decided to change my approach. Instead of creating a whole narrative around my judgments, I decided to bring them inwards and question them. Instead of seeing my child's behavior as 'right' or 'wrong,' I decided to open myself to curiosity and ask, "Why do I need to feel right in this moment?"
This shift in perspective revealed that my judgmentality was creating a barrier between my heart and my child. However, once I stopped believing in 'right' or 'wrong,' 'good' or 'bad,' I saw my judgment as a messenger reminding me to turn inwards and open my curiosity about the present moment.
My take-away is that this introspective journey has helped me understand that judgments, if approached with kindness and curiosity, can lead to positive self-growth rather than creating unnecessary barriers.