A MESSAGE FOR EVERY BODY: The healing power of cognitive behavioral shifts
One of the reasons I haven’t ever booked clients before 1pm is because with Dysautonomia my blood pressure and circulation are in the tank in the morning.
Before changing my lifestyle, when I worked a 9 to 5, I would drink tons of caffeinated coffee and diet cokes and smoke cigarettes to keep my blood pressure up so I could function on my workplace’s schedule.
I skipped breakfast, who had time for that?
I ate Subway sandwiches, bagels or Wendy’s burgers for a quick lunch break.
Eating fast on a quick 30-minute break with gastroparesis, I couldn’t keep food down so I would vomit on my lunch break and rely on the sugar and caffeine in Hershey’s chocolate kisses to sustain enough energy to finish the day.
Somehow, I managed to push myself at the gym the nights I wasn’t getting IV’s at the hospital for much-needed electrolytes.
I had to try so hard to act pleasant to colleagues and my demanding boss when inside I was falling apart.
My body eventually could no longer sustain this daily grind, and I would lose yet another job.
After I got Dysautonomia into remission and changed my lifestyle, I learned that I could sustain a work schedule but it had to be supportive of my illness. As long as my body has what it needs, I could help others.
By the time I started working with my first client of the day at 1pm, I had practiced yoga, made myself a green juice, drank tea and lemon water, and had a nutritious breakfast. I felt REALLY good, clear-headed and energized. By taking care of myself first, I had way more to give to my work.
Every now and then, I would need to reschedule a client if I needed more rest. But 99% of the time I was physically able to commit and built a reputation for being reliable.
My grandpa Anthony always said, “You come first.” I grew up thinking that’s a nice concept, but not realistic in the rat race culture I was being raised in. Part of my healing was understanding sacrificing well-being to achieve goals in life is a belief, it’s not a truth. It’s not true that to be successful you need to put yourself last, eat on the go, push yourself past your mind or body’s healthy zone.
Our beliefs drive our choices. When I believed the rat race was a necessary evil to be successful, I chose to prioritize self-care last. When I changed that belief to recognizing abundance starts with my health, and health is the greatest wealth, I started prioritizing self-care first and then focused on work. I was most successful living this way.
When my illness relapsed, my self-care practice was reduced to just resting. No energy to churn green juices or do any kind of exercise. No appetite for any kind of breakfast. As I battled infections again, my body insisted on only rest.
My body has changed a lot over these sickie years. I’ve lost muscle tone, which is hard to achieve with this illness. I’m puffy with edema. My hair has thinned. I jumped from a size 2 to a size 12 and doctors just guess why—poor circulation, medication side effects and possibly mycotoxins? I’ve learned to appreciate how strong I was and how valuable my self-care was during my remission years.
I am finally at the point in my recovery when I am able to gently return to my morning practice of stretching and light weight exercises (in bed) followed by a nourishing breakfast. My memory is starting to recall my therapeutic training and how to loosen up fascia and get circulation flowing to my heart and brain.
There are times I look at my body and don’t recognize myself, and I feel hit with a wave of grief for the woman I was, dancing around to music, having fun with yoga on travels, enjoying the lightness of my being. As life got heavy, so did my body.
In the morning, when I do my stretching and strength-building exercises, I handle my body with care. I let my body know I am grateful for it, and I’m sorry for everything it’s been through. I thank my body for carrying me through the hardest times of my life. I thank my body for sustaining my life and working so hard to keep me safe.
In these moments, it doesn’t matter what dress size I am, how much pitting and cellulite I have, how many rolls are in my back, how tight my wedding band has been. All that I feel is a deep love for my body and respect for all it does that I’m not even aware of to fight off infections and try to maintain homeostasis.
My body wants what is best for me. My body’s entire job is to keep me alive as long as possible to fulfill my purpose here.
What a gift each of our bodies are.
I share this to encourage you to show your body some love today. Instead of focusing on its imperfections, focus on how you have all this life inside of you working hard for you, supporting you the best it could.
Drink that water. Eat a piece of fruit or vegetable. Move in whatever way feels good.
Make choices from a place of love today and may you be successful at whatever you set out to do.
Xo,
Lauralyn