I am not sure how it is possible to loose the importance of being in such short time. Like there is something- the leftover of ancestral trauma that is impacting me the same way all the time. And today I am able to go into observation mode but even yesterday I was well shaken internally.
I understand my point for this family is to heal and transform the deepest trauma planted with this family. Hard job I tell you. Especially when your self esteem is shaken to the point that you are scared to carry on on your journey and would like someone else to lived your life. Hey. But that is me who will experience my own death so I want to be fully aware of that and I want to own it fully so my life must me lived by myself. And I know that!! Ok? But today is 3 day when I am not sure where is that me myself and I who can take the bike trip and go across unknown with ease and has the wings wide open and flies through life with grace and love.
I thought I will be able to pack all the experience to the panniers of my soul and take what I need here in Poland. And now I sit in the same flat like when I was 13 and I was bullied in school and had no relationship with my parents only check if I did my homework and what marks I received from las exams at school. Neither my teacher was interested in me being bullied. She said it is my problem and I have to sort it out within when I reported to her about being bullied. No support. Not at all. No support in being myself. No support in communication with other students. No communication with my parents. Actually if I look at that from today’s perspective I recon that I have very strong will of life. Superpower kind of thing. The ability to see the rainbow in the rainy days. To see the positive aspect of anything. Ok. But how to combine me myself and I in this situation right now!’??
One who needs hug one who struggles with the ancestral big big energy blockage and the one who just cycled through Europe alone. How to be myself? Who is Myself? 
and something else.
How to transfer journey mode into everyday life?? How to be the explorer of the unknown the observer of any situation or emotion and the surrender to the path of life. How to combine those three parts into one. How to take the strength of all of them at the same time.
Do you have any advice please share. I will be more than happy.
Love you all and thank you soo much for the coffee on the way!