Episode #11 Feedback and Competition

Podcast: Episode # 11 Feedback and Competition Hey there, and welcome to Journey Around the Pole. I’m Kitty For those of you who are new to the podcast, let me tell you a little bit about what this journey—and this podcast—is all about. At its heart, it’s about my journey into pole dancing, the creative process, and all of the lessons I’ve picked up along the way. But there’s another piece of my story that I bring into this space. I’m a retired psychotherapist with over 15 years of clinical experience, and I’ve taken that experience and morphed it into my work as an Integrative Mental Health and Performance Coach, Trainer, and Consultant. So we're going to talk about all kinds of things—mindset, motivation, performance, mental health, anxiety, mindset blocks, those pesky roadblocks that get in our way, and all the other things that impact how we show up in our lives. I love taking these topics and making them real, relatable, and something we can actually talk about. And honestly, one of my favorite parts is connecting with people, hearing their stories, and having those conversations about how we can move through the things that sometimes hold us back. So whether you’re here for the pole, the mindset stuff, the wellness, the performance, or maybe a little bit of all of it, I’m really happy you’re here. Welcome to Journey Around the Pole. Let’s get started. Let’s talk about feedback and competition. 1. Constructive Feedback Constructive feedback is feedback that helps you see what could be improved without making you feel like you’ve failed. It’s about identifying the gap between where you are and where you want to be, and then giving you something useful to work with. The goal isn’t to tear you down; it’s to give you information you can actually use and put into practice. And when I think about the communication style that’s most associated with Constructive feedback it’s an assertive communication style. The 3 components are: “Here’s what I’m seeing, here’s why it matters, and here’s what might help.” Example: Instead of saying, “Your transition was messy,” you might say: “Your transition looked a little rushed. I think if you slow it down and give yourself another second to find your grip, the movement will look much stronger.” 2. Motivational Feedback Motivational feedback is the kind that reminds you of what you’re already doing well and gives you a little fuel to keep going. Sometimes we don't need someone to tell us what we're doing wrong—we need someone to remind us that we're capable of doing the hard thing we're already attempting. The communication style most associated with this type is Supportive Communication This is where we acknowledge someone's effort, progress, strengths, or potential. And sometimes this is exactly what someone needs—especially when they're already beating themselves up. Example: “I know you're frustrated, but I want you to recognize how far you’ve come in this trick combo. Remember when you struggled a few weeks or/months ago? You're doing it today with ease! Keep going, you got this!” That's not empty praise. It's grounded encouragement. You're helping the person reconnect with evidence that they are capable. 3. Forward Feedback Forward feedback is less about dissecting what happened in the past and more about asking, “Okay, what do we do with this information now?” I love this kind of feedback because it shifts the conversation from “What did I do wrong?” to “What can I do differently next time?” It gets you out of the rearview mirror and looking down the road. The communication style that rooted in this on is solution focused communication so that means Instead of getting stuck in what went wrong, you start looking at what can happen next. Example: “That last attempt showed us that you have the strength for the move, but the angles were off and we couldn’t see your lines. Next time, next time watch your orientation to the audience.” Here’s the sweet spot a combination of all three: Here’s what you’re doing well. Here’s what you can work on. And here’s what we’re going to try next. Which feels a lot more supportive than simply being told, “That was wrong.” Because feedback should give you information—not take away your confidence. And here's where I think it gets really important… Communication style determines how feedback feels. You can have the best feedback in the world, but if you deliver it with sarcasm, condescension, aggression, avoidance, or that lovely passive-aggressive “Well, if you want to do it THAT way…” kind of tone, the message may never get through. And this is especially important when we're talking about performance, coaching, relationships, and personal and professional growth. I think of it this way: • Constructive: “Here's what you can improve.” • Motivational: “Here's what you're already doing well.” • Forward: “Here's what we can try next.” • Assertive communication: “I'm going to tell you the truth without tearing you down.” • Supportive communication: “I'm going to remind you that you're capable.” • Solution-focused communication: “We're not going to live in the mistake. Let's figure out the next move.” And honestly, that's the kind of feedback I want to give—and receive. Tell me the truth. Tell me what you see. Tell me what I can do differently. And then let's keep moving. Consider the source of the feedback. Are those people giving you the feedback creditable? Because sometimes feedback can be just noise if it’s offered from the wrong sources. So let's talk more about competition. So, I have been in the competition space for a very long time, not in pole dancing, but as a runner and as a cyclist and an adventure racer. Okay, those are all competitive spaces. And I can tell you, That training for pole dancing, in my eyes or in my realm, is a lot different than training for running, cycling, and adventure racing. Okay? It just really is. Um, because When I ran, I knew that I could run every day, and I knew when the taper, I really didn't have to think about a lot of tricks or anything like that. I just needed to understand what my terrain was. Um, the miles, the endurance part, you know, all of that. For me, it was honestly pretty simple. But for pole dancing, because it, it's a little bit different, right? And it takes me way out of my comfort zone because I have never, you know, before now, Performing? No, except for out in front of people when I was public speaking and training and that kind of thing. I can perform in front of people. I can talk to you, right? I can deliver trainings to lots of people and I have. But that is also different than training for a dance performance. There's stage presence. There's musicality, there's tricks, there's learning how to land the tricks on the beat, that's called musicality. You know, all the different things, and I am still developing all of those things. So when I train, I have to train different aspects. So instead of just going and running a bunch of miles and tapering off, I've, for me, this, this, this is how I train. It works for me. I get somebody to help me. I have a coach, right? My coaches, they help me develop my choreo because I'm not really good at developing choreo yet. And then which trick combos go with what? Okay, which things go smoothly together. And over the years, I've kind of been able to do that myself. Um, And then I do it all in chunks, right? When I'm 1st starting out, I chunk the 1st minute, I chunk the 2nd minute. I chunk the 3rd minute, and the 30 seconds, and that kind of thing. So I learned that way, and for me, my learning style is repetition. I have to be able to do it to repeat it, to do it, and repeat it. I don't pick up choreo really quickly. I just don't. Um, I also have problems with my left and my right, and people know that. And I am like all over about that. I'm like, yep. We have to slow our roll because my left or my right, outside, inside. You know, that kind of thing. Um, So my training style is a little bit different than some other people's maybe. Um, and then after I chunk it all down, then I can add the music to it, because then I need to hear the music so I can land my transitions and my beats. Okay? I was reading somewhere and I don't know how true this is. I know it's different for everyone, but the typical length of training for a competition and learning a brand new choreo, somebody said it takes about 3 months to land it. Um, I kind of identify with that because my newest choreo, um, it was developed probably end of June. Um, and I'm competing this weekend, June, July, August, September. Yeah, so about 3 to 4 months. I, so I think that's pretty typical or at least for me it is, I think. Um, to really get it and dial into it. So I'm gonna, I don't know where I got that from. I just Googled it. Um, one day and it kind of stuck with me. I'm like, okay. And when I did my 1st one, I mean, I practiced that little son of a gun often on for over a year because I had some things that happened that delayed my competition, some personal things happened. Um, so I didn't get to compete. But, Developing your training style when you're competing, I think is very important. Okay? Because you get into a groove and it really is helpful and you doing all the things that you need to do to prepare yourself. Okay, for competition, like psyching yourself up and, uh, that kind of thing. And I actually enjoyed my 1st competition. It was so much fun. I don't think I was anxious, anxious. I was anxious to have it happen because I really was looking forward to it. So, this weekend, I'm really looking forward to. So, yeah, okay. I'm gonna stop there with that. Okay. Now, I also want to talk about having the right village around you when you're, when you're going into this competition space. Okay? Having the people that you know, you can talk to about the process, about what's going on, what your struggles are, how you're feeling in the moment. God, you know, um, having a coach is so very important to me, and I think it is to other people as well. Uh, because that person becomes your sounding board. You know, hey, did I land this right, or I'm struggling with this, or I don't like this piece, so I'm changing it. And I've done that. I've done that several times with this particular piece. I'm like, mm, I don't think I really like that, but I want to add this. You know, I wanna make this piece a little more difficult. So I'm gonna throw this in. Okay. So, because when you are developing your choreo with a coach, it's a collaborative process. Because your coach also wants you to succeed. Okay? Also, having other people that are maybe competing at the same time you are, or maybe they're competing in a different space, but having someone to bounce that off of is really cool as well. You know, the 1st time, I didn't know anybody who was competing. I didn't. This time, I did. I met someone, and every once in a while, if I would see her, I'd be like, did you train today? Yep, did you? Yeah, was it hard? Yeah. You know? But we're doing it and we're getting out there. So having that kind of shared experience for me was really cool and I really did enjoy that. So, I think having a village of people is really important. You know, and sometimes those people aren't dancers or they're not your coach. Maybe they're your friends. Or your family, and they check in every once in a while and they're like, hey, how's it going? Because I have plenty of friends that aren't dancers. They're ex dancers. Uh, and they're like, how's it going? And I'm like, it's, it's, it's gone. I'm tired, but it's gone. You know, so have a village of people that get you and understand you. I think that that's really important. And they will give you that motivational feedback. You know, you've come this far, you've got it. Okay? They'll also give you that forward. Feedback as well. Look where you're at and look where you're going. And I just, ooh, I love it. I love it. I have built, I think, a pretty nice, supportive village of people. Okay? Also, you know, think about this too. And I've I've really thought about this as I've gone through the competition stuff. is developing your own personal style, your own performance style, and not borrowing from other people. Okay? It's easy to borrow from other people, okay? But when you add your own special flair, when you add your kitty, I call it my kitty flair, right? When you are able to add that, Your performance comes alive. That's why I say don't borrow from someone else. It'll look like you borrowed their piece. You have to add your own personal style into that. When you walk out onto that stage, walk out there like you own it. Because you do, for 3.5 seconds, or 3.5 minutes, you own that stage. It is yours. So go out there and own it. Own your style. Own your piece. It's yours. When you public speak, do the same thing. When you're teaching for, you know, 4 hours at a time, because that's what I do. I teach for 4 to 6 hours at a time sometimes. I own that space. I give you all of the kitty yumminess. It comes through. People can see it. I developed my presence with training and with public speaking. It's so very my style. My words, everything. People will know. It's like, oh, it's kitty. Okay, kitty bingo. If she says awesome and amazing, I go squirrel or, you know, Akittyism. They like bingo check number one. right? Own the stage. It's yours. Okay? Develop your own style because it will come through and you will be amazed when it does. And it'll feel good. When I did my last performance, Oh my goodness. I wasn't nervous going out onto the stage so much, but when I got back off the stage because I felt so good, that's where the nerves kicked in. I was like, 0 my god, I just did that. I just let myself loose, and it was amazing. I felt amazing. Okay? And then the last thing that I'm gonna say is rest. And that could have been up there in the training part for competition, but rest. Resting is so very important when you are training, because it gives your body the opportunity to relax and repair. Pole dancing does something a little bit different than running does to your body. Okay? Because we are lifting ourselves on the pole, body weight, we're contorting ourselves, bending, doing all the things. And I know sometimes I'm like, I don't think I can make that bend in my back, but it happens. But micro tears in our muscles happen, fatigue sets in, all the things, we have to be able to rest so we can continue to do the things that we want to do. So figure out what your rest schedule is. And what are you doing in that rest? Because, You can do what I call an active rest, which means I might not jump on the pole and do anything, but what I may do is restorative yoga. And 0 my goodness gracious, that feels so good. Or maybe I will, instead of, um, doing yoga, I'll go for a really long walk because I love, of course, I was a runner and cyclist. I love to walk. So maybe I do a 3 mile walk. Or something like that. But I'm still active. So it's not, um... It's not where I'm laying around all day. And maybe there are days where I do that. Maybe I just go get a massage and I come home and I chill with my dog. Maybe that's what I do. Yeah. And that's okay, too. You have to find the one, the rest, the type of rest that fits you. Okay? Always, always and forever, my friends. Always and forever. Okay. All right, let's see what time we got here. Oh, holy cow, this is a long way. All right, so. I think I need to wrap this up. Oh my goodness. Okay. All right. Let's wrap her up. Okay, take a breath. Take a breath. All right, so what I would like to say is if you like what you're hearing, please share. I love it when you share. Um, please, send me some good vibes. That would be good. I would that would make me really, really helpful. Okay? Um, And if you want to talk more about Coaching, motivating, you know, that kind of thing, feedback, communication styles, all the things. DM me? Schedule a call with me or if you want a training with me or something like that, feel free. Give me a call. I'm, I'm available. Um, again, if you like what you're hearing and you would like to, please subscribe. And if you're hearing this on buy me a coffee, feel free to buy me a coffee because it not only supports my coffee addiction, but it also helps me produce the work that you're hearing. Okay? Oh, and I'll just put this one out there too. If you made it to the very end, hopefully you did. If you want to support me in my road trip adventure to Los Angeles this weekend to compete, feel free to, I don't know, you can buy me a coffee or you can buy me a Snickers bar. Okay? Um, I'll put my Venmo here. Just because. So anyway, um, thought I'd turn that out there. Shameless plug. Okay, I will let you know how a competition goes after it's done. I look forward to doing this again, and I hope you enjoyed this podcast, okay? Namaste, live long and prosper, and I'll see you around the poll. Bye now.