There was this graphic on Instagram of two women waving at each other with arms raised high. One had noticeable armpit hair under her arm and the other didn't. The vibe was one of celebration with a shared sentiment of you do you.
Listen to this article in audio form at [Audio] More Than The Hair Under Our Arms.
What I saw were the beauty standards of society shifting from no hair under your arms as the only acceptable “feminine, womanly” way to present yourself to include an alternative where women could choose to wear their body hair naturally.
And yet the expectation to always present ourselves the same way every time remains.
It’s okay to have hair under your arms but you must pick a side. You must present yourself with hair or without so that we know what to expect and can adjust our view of you accordingly.
As if having hair under our arms must mean something more about us than I didn’t fancy shaving my armpits in the shower this morning.
I don't know about you but sometimes I shave my armpits and then my hair does this thing where it grows. And I'm okay with it existing there on my body. So sometimes I'll have hairy armpits and sometimes I won't. Sometimes it will be stubbly and short, and other times it will be luscious and long.
You're never going to be able to expect my underarms to be groomed one way or the other every time you see me.
I'm no longer grooming my body, my appearance, or my energy to ensure your comfort.
I’m grooming my body, my appearance, and my energy to ensure my comfort in my body that I experience the world through every moment of every day.
(Radical, I know.)
You see... there’s this strange phenomenon where women are expected to present the same way every time you see them.
Look the same, groomed the same, polite and pleasant, helpful and supportive, all in the same way every time.
Even if you're not the excitable friendly good girl (Oh, hi. That was me, for the longest time).
The first impression people have of you forms the way they will recognise you the next time they see you. Our brains take a little snapshot of someone and file it away to be recalled when the identifiers are seen again.
This snapshot is just one moment of this someone’s life. Whether it was five minutes, an hour, or half a day that you spent with them. It is only a fraction of their day, their week, their life.
And yet we assume that this is all of them.
We assume that this is the way they always are.
We assume that our experiences with someone are all experiences of them.
And so, when we see them and they are more than we had experienced before, or they are different than we had experienced before, we ask...
Is everything okay? What's going on? Are you alright?
Instead of meeting this person anew.
Greeting more of them.
Embracing a different expression of them.
When we become concerned or worried when our experience with someone is different it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with how we approach change. How we feel about new things. How we feel about things that are different than we’ve experienced them before.
Are we afraid we’ll be hurt? Are we worried about rejection? Are we concerned we’re going to lose something that we loved?
Or do we expect everything to work out for the best? Do we trust that every person in our life is there for a reason, a season, or a lifetime? Do we lead with curiosity and interest in new and different things? Do we believe that what is meant for us cannot pass us by? And what is no longer for us will be removed from our path?
Can we find comfort, stability, and security in our own strength and ability?
Instead of the illusion of stability,
that we translate as security,
and feel as comfort,
that we imagine by the people, places, and environment around us staying the same,
when the only constant in life is change.
So, yes...
Everything is great.
I’m living my best damn life,
and I’m f*cking fantastic.
How are you?
(And, no... I didn’t fancy shaving my armpit hair today.)
[ORIGINAL ARTICLE: More Than The Hair Under Our Arms, by Kerryn Hewson. 2023.]
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