4 years ago, I had joined here. I hadn't posted in 3 years as life got busy with two kids at the time under 3. These days, my boys take a lot of my time (mostly all of it) as we homeschool. 3 years, losing mom to cancer last year, both boys diagnosed with Autism and a move to Alabama later, here I am.
Life is ok. I miss my mom. We went from good scans when I moved December of 2023 to only a week later her getting a terminal cancer diagnosis. She didn't want to say it to me. She worked the energy to come see us in Alabama on my eldest's 5th birthday even though she didn't have the energy. My dad informed us July the cancer was terminal, and we made the journey in August and it was eye opening to see how the cancer changed her. I still look at pictures now over those 9 months and the progression was insane. The week before she passed, my dad told us it wasn't possible for my Mom to survive. She no longer responded to treatments, everything was starting to fail. Her family did come to visit. I was unable to come as I had no one to take care of the kids but my dad assured me, my mom didn't want me there. She didn't think I could handle it. Her final hours, I spent wanting to cry but couldn't as I had so many cousins who relied on me to be their strength. The journey to her funeral was interesting as we had a hurricane hit. Literally as we drove it was landing behind us. Got to see two tornadoes as we reached our final destination. Even the viewing was like I wasn't there. I wasn't able cry there. My dad almost did but held it in. I sat with him as we sat with her as family came and went. My Aunt(her little sister) was hysterical. My mom grew up being her protector, her second mother. My youngest Uncle was no better. He couldn't bring himself to come. It was the first time, my eldest showed me he had an understanding of what was going on. He took my Great Aunts hand, and went up to the casket and said, that's my Nene and I love her. That broke me a bit. I didn't actually get to cry until they lowered her down. I was able to let it all out.
For the sake of my kids, I carry on as my Mom would have kicked me in the rear if I let myself fall apart. As stated before, both my boys are Autistic. Both on opposite sides of the spectrum, so we have our challenges. Both lack verbal and understanding skills. I opted to homeschool them as this allowed me to give them the one on one they need but also allow them full access to the different therapies. Is it easy? Absolutely not. Everyday is a challenge. Both kids are doing better than last year. My most non-verbal can say his months of the year much to the speech therapist delight. Both kids know it. Both kids are thriving better because I will always be there biggest advocate until they can advocate for themselves.
So here I am, writing this after our morning homeschool lessons (first day after winter break). Eldest is watching dudes build a house in nature and youngest is staring out the window as the wind carries on in 41 degrees weather. I feel the morning lag creeping in.
Its been a long time.