How do you show your horse that you love them?
Do you show them in a way that makes sense to them?
In a way that is meaningful to them?
Or does it serve you?
We do things to do with horses that make us feel good, and because we enjoy it we assume they must share our experience.
An example of this is patting our horses. There is no research to suggest horses enjoy being patted, and nothing similar is ever seen in dynamics between horses. In fact, with their highly sensitive skin, it is quite possible that being patted is actively unpleasant.
But we like patting horses, and it makes us feel good. So when we want to show our care, or that we’re impressed with what they’ve done, we communicate this in a way that makes sense to us, but do we know if it makes sense to them?
This post is not specifically about patting, it’s just an easily understandable example. I don’t think that gentle patting is harmful or problematic, but it is unlikely that the horse finds it rewarding.
My point with this is that we tend to be quite egocentric around our horses. Not deliberately, but we still often do it. So how can we switch it around, so that we are focused on this wonderful animal that we have brought into our life, and what their wants and needs actually are?
The first thing for me is stepping back. Listening, observing. They communicate so much when we create the space to notice it. How do they look when they are happy, anxious, bored, etc etc? How do they interact with us and the world around them?
There is never one answer that fits every horse, which is why we need to be aware of each of their subtleties and nuances. Then we can learn from them how we can love them in a meaningful way.
How does your horse want to be loved?